➕ Optional: Specific Topics
Training 1
Suicidal ideation: active VS passive
When listening to someone struggling, try to pay attention to the cues they give. In this case, this could help you determine if whether someone is struggling with active suicidal ideation or passive suicidal ideation. When responding on the Wall, pay attention to what people are saying, and how they are saying it.
Active suicidal ideation is when somebody talks about suicide, the have a plan on how they’re going to end their life, and they have the means to do it. Somebody expressing they intend to kill themselves and sharing how they see themselves doing it are very likely in an active suicidal state.
Passive suicidal ideation is where somebody is not having a plan or talking about the exact way they want to end their life, and they don’t have the means to do it. They may say things like “I want to give up”, “I can’t take it anymore”, “I can’t do this again”, etc.
With active suicidal ideation, the person is more in a situation of crisis, which of course requires a different level of attention, but in both situations you will want to actively care and lead with compassion. Note that in any case, it is impossible to determine who is going to end their life or not. People in active ideation may never act on their plan, just like people expressing passive ideation may act on it.
Your Responsibility
As a volunteer, you come alongside people and are an active listener, but you are not responsible of their actions and your role is not to save people. What we do is to care about people deeply and meet them where they are.
Red Flags
You don’t need to know the clinical symptoms of suicidal ideation to pay attention to red flags. You are also not going to push someone to end their life by asking them if they’re okay or thinking about hurting themselves.
It can be really unnerving to talk with someone about their suicidal thoughts, and it is profoundly human/normal to feel that way. However as long as you show that you care, you will not be wrong. If you’re talking to someone and feel like something is off, that they don’t seem to be okay, it is okay to trust your gut instinct on that matter and to ask them if they are okay. If they’re open to talk about it, that’s great. If they’re not, that’s okay too.
What kind of questions to ask?
Are you okay? Do you think about hurting yourself? - You may often wonder what is the right or wrong to say.
In any case, always revert back to compassion and kindness.
Are you alone/are you safe? - You want to gently encourage them to reach out to someone if they need it.
If they are safe where they are need someone to talk to, you can listen to them.
It is okay to loop back: if someone posts and disappear, it’s okay to try to follow up with them and check in with them.
Training 2
Practical Questions about Suicide
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Training 3
Don’t feel guilty
In the video below, Dr. Michelle Saari teaches us on how to support others without feeling like we have to be responsible for their choices.
FOR MYSELF
Identity and Self-Compassion - I have to develop security in my identity as someone who cares. When I trust this about myself, it is easier for me to have compassion towards myself if they experience negative outcomes or make tragic choices. I can trust that I am someone who cares, and I gave what I could. This combats regret and self-criticism and helps us become more resilient.
Set My Own Expectations - what is “enough”? When this person tells me they are struggling, how do I live out my values with them? What would I be satisfied at the end of the day knowing that I gave what I intended to give? Answering these questions and setting up our own expectations for how we want to show up for someone allows us to let go of the outcome knowing we gave what we could.
Name and Communicate My Reaction - it’s okay to say out loud, “Wow, I feel really burdened by what you shared - in a good way; I care so much, and I really want for you to make it through this tough time.” Naming this helps us get separate from the thought in our own mind of owning their outcome. It helps create space between us and that thought, and it allows for the relationship to speak into it and correct it.
TOWARDS THEM
Circle of Control vs Circle of Concern - there is a reality we can’t escape: we can’t control their choices. We can only be concerned about them. We must get to a place of surrender to that truth, or we will regularly reach beyond what we are capable of controlling and overly identify with the outcome of their choices.
Know Your Role - Dr. Michelle reiterates how we cannot fix, save, rescue anyone else. We can only listen, encourage, and hold in positive regard the person we’re supporting. We can bring our light into their dark space and be WITH them. Knowing this is our role, it can steer our hearts towards healthier beliefs.