Giving hope one more try: Therapist reacts to “Last Resort” by Papa Roach
“'Cause I'm losin' my sight, losin' my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losin' my sight, losin' my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.”
“Last Resort” lyrics by Papa Roach
This song is everything when it comes to describing the mindset of a suicidal person. “This is my last resort. I would not do this if I thought there were another option.”
Now, there's a double meaning in this song, what I think last resort truly means, that I'm going to tell you in a moment. But first, I really want us to get into the mindset of a suicidal person.
So many people make judgements about those who are struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings. They're like, “It's selfish.”
But really, suicidal people believe that they are doing the world a favor by not being here. And more than that, they feel like they're suffocating:
“Suffocation,
no breathing.”
They don't think that anyone would care.
“Do you even care if I die
Bleeding?
Mutilation out of sight.”
A lot of people hide their scars from self-harm, which is part of the reason why the people around them often don't know that it’s happening.
“I never realized it was too late.”
I think that's an important aspect of understanding suicidality as well. People often don't realize how bad it's gotten until they start having those thoughts. Then they're like, “how did I get here?”
So then you walk it back, and he's like, “Oh, maybe this is where my downward spiral began. It all started when I lost my mother.”
Often suicidal thoughts are ignited by some extreme change in life — often a loss, whether it's a physical loss of a person, job loss, loss of security, of a relationship.
Even the texture of his voice is so desperate in the part where he sings:
“I can’t go on.”
People who are suicidal feel like suicide is their last resort. It's their last option. But they also will often do something else as a last resort: reach out one more time. They tell someone. They give signs, whether consciously or subconsciously, because there is this part inside of them that's asking, “would it be right or would it be wrong?”
People often reach out as a last resort.
I'm going to give you a personal story about why I decided to become a therapist. I lost my best friend to suicide. The night before he took his own life, he called the Crisis Text Line, and he had bipolar disorder. And so he was very much in a state of mania at that point, and he was very good at convincing everyone that he was fine.
They told him that he shouldn't be alone, but that he should be fine. That they weren't worried about him. That he didn't need to call emergency services.
The next day, he took his life. He was left alone. I think that inspired me to do this work.
It's a reminder that people who are suicidal have two parts that are fighting inside of them. One part that is saying, “This is my last resort. Nothing's going to get better. You’ve got to take your life. There's nothing good for you.”
And another part that is saying, “Maybe the last resort is reaching.”
These parts are constantly battling with each other. Maybe we just try one more thing as a last resort to heal.
When someone reaches out in any way, we have to take it so seriously, because we have to recognize that there's an internal battle. We need to come alongside them and fight with that part of them that's saying, “maybe I can reach out and try one more time.”
People who are suicidal believe that it is the last resort, but there's also a part of them that hopes that someone will just tell them that it will be alright. That is the part of them that fights and reaches out for support as a last resort, a last hope for the possibility of getting better, of not being suicidal, of not taking their life.
If you are in that place where you're feeling suicidal, I encourage you to move toward the opposite part of you. To not just say, “I give up. I quit. This is my last resort. I've tried everything else.”
I am begging you to try one more time.
Reach out here, reach out to your friends. Cast your net wide. Because the truth is, not everyone knows how to support someone who is suicidal. And I want you to have the most chances of being supported.
Reach out to anyone you think might be able to help you. That is my ask of you: make one last-ditch effort for healing. Do it for everyone who would miss you if you're gone, do it for all of the life that you'll miss out on if you leave.
If you’re ready to try one more time, our anonymous forum is one place you can go. If you are in crisis and need help right now, dial 988.
