Another pathway to relief: Therapist Reacts to “Question!” by System of a Down
“Do we, do we know
When we fly?
When we, when we go
Do we die?”
“Question!” lyrics by System of a Down
Almost immediately, we’re getting Romeo and Juliet vibes with the reference to the “sweet berries.” When I think of sweet berries, I think of poison berries, like a soft suicide. I'm hearing that kind of fantasy with these questions about death and what happens when we die.
“Sweet berries ready for two, ghosts are no different than you
Ghosts are now waiting for you, are you?
Sweet berries ready for two, ghosts are no different than you
Ghosts are now waiting for you, are you dreaming?”
I think there are two ways you can take this song. One is the route of the question: what happens when we die? What do you believe? What religious beliefs do you have? What is this afterlife thing? I think that's one route. I think the other route is the Romeo and Juliet fantasy suicide route.
There’s something about the romanticization of suicide. When we start to think about suicidal ideation as a way to cope, we understand the mind of someone who is suicidal a little bit better.
We all want a safe place. We all want peace. Often, when people are experiencing suicidal ideation, they don't really want to die: they want a safe place. They're fantasizing about relief. They're fantasizing about not struggling anymore.
That fantasy, letting your mind slip into a place of “what if I just didn't wake up,” isn't about not wanting to wake up as much as it's about not wanting to experience what you’re experiencing right now. The fantasy of suicidal ideation becomes a gateway to peace.
Please wait. Please make peace. When we understand that the desire is actually to be free from struggle, to have ease, to have relief, to have peace, then we start to get other options for how to reach that desire.
Suicide is just a suicidal mind's best way to get there, but they need to see more options. If this is where we are, what we're struggling with, our desire is just to feel peace. Suicide feels like one way to get there, but it's not the best or the only way. Most of us know that. But when someone is coping that way, we can think, “OK, if this sounds good to them, why does it sound good?”
It makes sense why your mind would go there. It makes sense that you would like relief. And there's another sweet berry that actually isn't going to kill you that you can take that will be better.
I think the gift of this song is the acknowledgement that for someone who is in pain, sometimes fantasizing about suicide feels like a kindness to themselves, because it's a place that they can go that feels safe and that feels full of ease. But we know that eating those sweet berries is actually poison. The way they're being kind to themselves is fantasizing about suicide. But if the goal is kindness to yourself, if the goal is ease, then you can eat another berry.
Maybe you can be kind to yourself by giving yourself grace when you mess up. Maybe you can be kind to yourself by reaching out to a friend who can support you.
Maybe those are the kindness berries that you can eat instead of eating this berry that will poison you and kill you.
Maybe you can use the knowledge of the desire that you're trying to reach, which is peace, which is ease, to choose another way to be kind. I know that it's not easy. I know that it's not that simple sometimes. But you can start by being kind to yourself, taking one action today and listening to this song and imagining a world where you're alive and you're happy.
Fantasize about that. Fantasize about eating magical sweet berries that take the pain away, but give you a life that you love and try to take a step towards that today.
I love System Of A Down. Make sure you’re subscribed to HeartSupport’s channel on YouTube to catch all of my System Of A Down reaction videos!
