• itsdj
    January 6, 2017 at 12:07 pm #29985

    I was recently thinking and I’ve discovered the issues I’ve had with the church have been developing since the age of 10. To start, I never really had a negative perception of the church until this point I had grown up going to Catholic and Lutheran school, my mother was a children’s minister and my grandfather was a deacon.

    Age: 10 my dad and stepmom want to start attending church again. We start frequenting one of the largest Baptist churches in Detroit. It is there while in youth Sunday school we are told they want us to bring more money as an offering. If we bring in anything less than a dollar it’s not good enough for God.

    Age: 13
    During a lively debate about homosexuality. I say it’s not a sin and God doesn’t have a problem with it. This is at the time when I’m starting to figure out who I am. My mother a now minister pulls me aside and says that’s not what god wants for us.

    Age: 14-16
    I’m called out during sermons by my pastor about not giving my all to god. And am accused of thinking I’m better than everyone because I’m black going to a majority white school. I’m also told my white friends don’t care about me because of my race. A guest preacher notices I’m the only girl with colored hair and makes a comment about how God doesn’t want young ladies to dye their hair unnatural colors because it’s attention seeking. I’m told during services we are the only “true” religion and if you believe in anything else even another demoniation it’s wrong.

    I’m struggling where to go from here on one hand there’s a part of me that says I need to have a connection with God. On the other hand the past 6 years of my life have essentially been brainwashing and verbal assault at the hands of the church, and I never want to step foot in one again.

    January 6, 2017 at 1:13 pm #29987


    Yeah sounds like your experience of church has been a real horror story. Sadly churches like the one you’ve been to do exist where they seem more interested in money than people and have twist the bible to suit their own personal bigotry and distaste for other’s hobbies/appearances etc.

    Church though shouldn’t be like that. Certainly the church I go to isn’t and I would say that actually that is where I get a lot of my support and it feels like a family to me. Sadly not all churches are like that though.

    It’s entirely your decision of course but I want to encourage you to try some more churches before you don’t your back on churches. I understand you probably don’t ever want to go to one again and that is perfectly understandable but I also want you to know that churches are not meant to be like the one you’ve been to. They are supposed to be a place of fellowship. A place to build one another up and support each other as you go through life together and grow in faith. That’s something I think is worth pursuing. Maybe think about going to a few different churches.

    With care,


    January 6, 2017 at 1:56 pm #29988

    Nathan is right, unfortunately churches like that do exist. But that seems to happen because these churches are created by people, and somewhere along the way they forget that its really about God. But that is exactly why we have so many churches and denominations, because no two churches are alike. I would definitely branch out and try to find a place that you feel comfortable in. It may seem daunting at times, but once you find that perfect fit you will feel much better. Find a church that is following the word of God and not the word of man.

    Take Care,

    January 6, 2017 at 9:04 pm #29998

    Currently I don’t have the option to go to another church since I still live with my mom and she goes to the church I currently have issues with.
    I’m at the point know where I graduate in a year so I’ll be on my own I kind of want to try church again but I don’t have my hopes at all. Everyone there just seems so fake and hypocritical and only in it for themselves. I don’t understand why God would ordain something like this and just let these people make others feel so bad. I know he sees these people using what’s something good to rob people of their livelihood so why does he allow it. At this point I’m angry with God and the church. If this is what he thinks is OK and wants to have then I don’t want to associate myself with Christianity and maybe it’s as bad as the world says. Maybe the church is just a group of self-righteous hyprocites casting shame upon others.

    January 7, 2017 at 2:28 am #30003

    I definitely do not think that God is okay with people acting that way. Just because they say they have God’s approval does not mean that is so. If they are truly how you say they are, they sound more like the Pharisees, which Jesus was always preaching against. Do you listen to Memphis May Fire by any chance? They actually have a song called Pharisees that talks about the very things you hate about the church. And MMF is a pretty religious band, so you’re not alone in seeing the issues that some of these churches are facing.

    January 7, 2017 at 9:53 am #30005

    Agree with Kelsey 100% on this. I don’t believe God approves of the way these people are acting or how they twist the gospel to glorify themselves. Jesus openly preached against this kind of thing when he walked the earth and so as Kelsey said, just because they think they have God’s approval doesn’t mean they actually do.

    Read Acts chapter 2 verses 42-47 if you want an idea of what the church should look like according to the Bible:

    42 ‘They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.’

    That’s what should be at the heart of church; community and a sense of belonging in the family of God. They looked out for another and went through life together, supporting each other and building each other up. That is what church should be. While there probably is no such thing as a perfect church because we are all imperfect humans, there are genuinely churches out there that try to live like this. A church is not a building but a family brought together in Christ.

    January 7, 2017 at 9:55 pm #30012

    In my Community at least almost all the churches are the same destructive rhetoric. Where pastor’s care more about their image than their members. I know it’s bad but how can I just stop this trend?

    January 9, 2017 at 8:45 pm #30033


    January 9, 2017 at 10:36 pm #30039

    I actually got kicked out of my church when I was 15 because they were misunderstood about the black clothes, metal music, and stereotyped that style of person as someone that’s not close with God. I felt so ostracized and just completely overwhelmed. Don’t fret. You will find your place. I actually went to some local shows and found a group of people in local bands and their friends to get involved with and I felt more at home in someones living room talking about God than I ever did in a church. Don’t give up on it.

    January 9, 2017 at 10:48 pm #30040

    I don’t want to give up but I’m just becoming tired. A lot of people in the church just think I feel this way because I’m a rebellious teen. I have yet to meet anyone that feels how I feel and that discourages me

    January 9, 2017 at 11:15 pm #30041

    I know exactly how you feel beloved. I have struggled with same sex attraction for the past 8 years. Its been crazy and hard. You aren’t alone at all. Don’t be discouraged and take heart. He is in the waiting. I was living in a lesbian lifestyle proclaiming I was a Christian but in reality I didn’t know who I was and my view of God was just how I wanted to see Him. I got kicked out of my home church that I lead worship in and was really heart hurt and confused because that is how I felt. I continued living in this lifestyle and looking for a church. I never gave up and I never will. I encourage you to do the same. You are a warrior. It wasn’t until 2 years ago when I was very depressed and lost when God spoke to me. He said,”Beloved, you are not gay. That is not who you are. You are my daughter. I love you.” I began to realize that our feelings do not define who we are. God defines who we are. That is for everyone. Being a “lesbian” isn’t who you are or who I am. But being a daughter of the most High is who we are. Seeking God no matter what and looking to Him is what we are called to do with everything. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33. God has everything in His hands. If we seek Him first then He will give us all we need. Including emotional and mental breakthrough. We are new creations in Christ. No matter what your mother, friend, pastor, etc says. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what Jesus says and what His word says. You are worth it. You have already been redeemed. The past two years for me have not been perfect. Just because I try my best to seek Jesus with everything doesn’t mean I have fallen short. I have had to go to therapy to try and talk through my attractions and why and what should I do and coping etc. I have fasted and prayed. It is different for every situation especially with LGBT but no matter what the church says or anyone. God is faithful and loving to everyone. He loves you. So much. Nothing could ever counter that. Ultimately this is between you are God. You have a life of your own. You decide what happens. This is your story. God has promised me a future with a husband. That’s something I have struggled believing because I see now and not the future. He has given me hope and faith and I believe that one day it is going to happen because He is a real and faithful God. I am praying for you. Please feel free to ask me questions of any kind. I would love to answer anything. Love ya girl. You aren’t alone.

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