• alilkatiekatt
    May 18, 2017 at 10:43 pm #31939

    I felt like this needed to come out. thst I had to let you guys know this.

    I hsve not been doing therapy therapy to help with trauma and depression PTSD anxiety whatever else. I don’t know why. it’s just too much. I’m a wimp. I’m weak. maybe I’m lazy. my body is too weak my heart us too weak. therapy is so hard. I’ve been refusing therapy. it was going pretty well, but now, I just can’t… I can’t force myself to he brave and suck it up and go.

    I’ve been in. coma for a bit. I’m exhausted. I need sleep my body needs sleep. my health needs sleep. I tried to wollingly sleep last night night. I had nightmares all night. not one good dream. I woke up. flashbscks. I woke up so upset and worked up. having a whole night or nightmares and flashbscks are exhausting. not fun. terrifying. reliving those traumatic events. for me, going to sleep is like setting myself up for more trauma. for reliving those traumatic events. idk if thst makes sense.

    idk.. thsnks for reading and listening. I’ve just been refusing to talk to my therapist or anyone like thst. my PTSD had been out of control. I csbt sleep. I refuse to sleep. my health is glong to go downhill fast if I don’t sleep and rest. I’m too scared to sleep. in terrified. but I’m so so beyond past exhausted. I want to sleep but I refuse to. it’s making me very frustrated and upset and making me cry. it’s making me hate who I am. it’s triggering some thoughts and definitely triggering urges. not sure why I’m posting this. people gold me i should. I don’t think any of u can relate. I feel so alone and lost and frustrated and loosing hope but I’m trying so hard not to. I’m trying so hard to try to keep hope and keep positive.

    May 18, 2017 at 10:52 pm #31941

    Katie katt,

    I’m sorry you’re having nightmares. Those are never fun. Sleep is one of the most important things you need right now Katie, especially in your condition. Sleep is healing and it’s a way for your mind to make sense of the days events. You cannot keep staying awake, it will only make you feel worse and it will wreak havoc on your body.

    Why aren’t you talking to your therapist? I know you said you’re tired but she may have an idea as to how to help deal with the nightmares better so you can sleep.

    I’m glad you posted here. You posted here because you know we care about you, because we love you. Don’t let these nightmares get ahead of you Katie, I know that’s easier said then done, but everything you’re afraid of right now is in the past. You’re nightmares can’t hurt you, and though I don’t have ptsd, and can’t relate to it, I do deal with occasional sleep paralysis and know how absolutely terrifying nightmares can get.

    Be strong Katie. You can always vent here, and we will always listen.

    Much love, and hold Fast.


    May 18, 2017 at 10:55 pm #31942

    oh. and btw, by nightmares I mean like very vivid realistic real feeling dreams of being sexually and physically absurd abd sexually and physically tortured. not nightmares like bring chased by a scary mobster. or Like being trapped in the woods by yourself with werewolves. nightmares specifically to what I’ve been through.

    May 18, 2017 at 11:11 pm #31943

    I don’t know. it doesn’t seen to help. it’s exhausting. it triggers mr. makes me have flashbacks. makes me feel bad about myself. I just can’t force myself to sleep.

    May 19, 2017 at 2:38 am #31948

    I recommend to keep looking for a therapist that’s right for you. If you don’t feel like going it’s probably because you haven’t found the right fit for you. Or maybe it’s not the right time for you. I gave up on therapists for 15 years until I was so desperate to change I went out and found someone amazing. Also what made a huge difference to me even though it was hard, was to find one act of self care to do every day. Just things like making a cup of tea, or bath with a candle etc. I wrote down my self care act every day for 2 weeks. I hope you start to find hope again soon

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