• tryingtosurvive
    January 9, 2017 at 2:41 pm #30031

    My best friend was supposed to come back from taking care of her grandma today, but there were some complications and she isnt coming back yet. I know that shouldn’t be a big deal, but I’m really suicidal and need to talk to her about it, and I don’t want to call her because she is under a lot of stress right now, and last time I called her she said I was stressing her out and need to start talking to someone else about my feelings. I have a couple other friend I could talk to, but I dont have a phone, and people don’t check their email very often… It really hurt me when she said I was stressing her out, like I was telling her everything and that could be stressful, but I need to talk to someone, and no one will return my emails, or anything, so I don’t know what to do, I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. And I’m thinking about killing myself, and I already cut a bunch this week. I don’t know what to do.

    BreeBree
    January 9, 2017 at 9:52 pm #30034

    Hi –

    I don’t think it’s fair that your friend mentioned that she was stressing you out. However, she is obviously going through a lot right now with her grandmother and she may be feeling like she wants some support from you just as much as you are looking for support from her. Do you think that you two would be able to talk to each other about the stresses you are both facing? Friendship is a two way street and while you may be really needing her, she may be feeling the same about you! Why don’t you try asking her how she’s doing and starting the conversation in a way that acknowledges that you are both struggling.

    It also can’t hurt to reach out to the other friends. They may not check their email often – but I’m sure they’d still want to hear from you. Also, all of us on the support wall are here for you as well! Why don’t you tell us about what’s bothering you specifically, and maybe we can work out better ways of dealing with this stress than cutting or considering killing yourself. These things may seem like they are good ways of coping, but I assure you that they are not. Cutting and suicide are not the answer, I promise. Think about all of the friends and family that would miss you! You are worth more than that. I am sure we can come up with better means of dealing with the issues you are currently facing!

    Hang in there, we are all here for you.

    – BreeBree

    CrystalKirby
    January 9, 2017 at 10:33 pm #30038

    Your friend is under a lot of stress due to her family issues. I’m sure she just wanted to be alone. Sometimes that’s how people cope. I know I am quiet and don’t want to be bothered when issues arise. Sometimes reaching out in a less aggressive way and letting your friend know that you cope by venting, then she may understand a little better. When you’re sad or feeling some type of way just play some music, draw, go on a walk, anything to keep your mind roaming and off of the negatives. I used to dwell on my negatives and I turned my sadness into a hobby. For instance, I take pictures and take drives when I’m feeling sad. I get in the car and take a long ride with no destination.

    The point I’m trying to make is that it’s easy to give up, sometimes it’s harder to keep going, but you can find a way to keep going. You can do it. Talk to one of us.

    tryingtosurvive
    January 10, 2017 at 1:49 pm #30050

    I do give her support, and I know she’s struggling and under a lot of stress, but after she said that, every time I bring up any of my problems, she just changes the subject. I don’t know what to do, like I just want her to understand that I need some emotional support, and I need for her not to make me feel like shit for talking to her. And now I feel bad every time I try and contact her, like I’m just being a nuisance.

    Megan Huettl
    January 10, 2017 at 2:57 pm #30051

    I’m going to repeat what Crystal said because I think it’s very valuable. Your friend sounds like she’s under a lot of stress, and adding on to it may make her break. I’m sure you care about her, and don’t want to add to that load. She is going through a lot, and maybe she thinks the same thing, that she just wants someone to hear her or listen to her. She might not have that, and it may be causing her to shut down with those around her because everyone is relying on her, but no one is trying to lighten her load.

    Again repeating what Crystal said, it may be beneficial for you to find an alternative way to relieve stress while your friend is going through this time in her life. Find a hobby – maybe writing, or even just listening to music and zoning out for a little while. Going for a walk, taking pictures. I got to a point where I felt so isolated and bothersome by my anxiety that I started to volunteer at an animal shelter, just to get human interaction but also because animals don’t judge you. They sit and listen, and just let you pet them. It was an incredible way for me to lighten my load without feeling like I’m burdening others.

    She is your friend, and I’m sure she cares about you. Make sure you also make sure she knows you care about her. Let her know you’re also here for her if she needs. That might be all she wants to hear right now.

    Victoria
    January 10, 2017 at 11:12 pm #30063

    Hello!

    First off, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. That’s rough and not at all easy to deal with.
    I agree with what Crystal and Megan said about your friend. Try not to overthink what she said, as she’s going through a lot herself and it’s probably all she can do to take care of herself and her grandmother. I had a somewhat similar situation with my best friend last year. We were both going through a lot at the same time, but we handled it the wrong way and because of that we ended up in a bad argument. We got past it, but if we had taken a break from eachother it would not have been such a big deal.

    Again, what Crystal and Megan said about finding other ways to cope is beneficial too. Those are all good, healthy ways to cope. Personally, I draw a lot (oddly enough, I’ve found that doing drawings with a lot of detail helps me to cope with anxiety, because it gives me something I have complete control over) and just getting out of the house (whether it’s driving around or exploring my city) helps.

    You are not a nuisance at all for reaching out for help! There are plenty of people who care about you, you are not a bother. It just might be better to reach out to other people for now, for the sake of your friendship with her. You can always post on Heart Support and talk to the people on here. If you want to talk to me, my email is always open ([email protected]).
    – Victoria

    tryingtosurvive
    January 11, 2017 at 3:56 pm #30068

    I’m realizing that I might have been overreacting, and she probably didn’t mean to sound so harsh.

    Megan Huettl
    January 11, 2017 at 4:14 pm #30069

    That’s okay, it happens. Like we all said, maybe just be there for her right now and share in your burdens together. We all need someone to help lighten our load, and that’s what she might need from you right now.

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