dyslexiaJuly 14, 2017 at 8:16 am #33037
i will never be successful no matter what i do i tried streaming on twitch before and nobody watched me i guess nobody cares i take the time in other peoples channel to be friends with them and then i get nothing in return so why should i even try. Nobody likes me enough to watch me i do everything i can to watch them i donate money and everything i cheer them bits and still i get nothing in return i had a friend that just got there subutton and i just fliped out of her being pissed off and that i unfollowed her and told her we are no longer friends pretty much . I want a sub button but i will nevr get it i will never make a name for myself nobody likes me and nobody would watch me so i might as well give up cause i am going no where i have no other choice i just want to drown myself in drinking again forget twitch even existed i just want to erase everything i spent a good amount of time trying to make friends i guess that was totally pointless i am at my ropes end and its just getting closer and closer, all i want is just one person to watch me for a few hours they dont even have to pay attenion just keep the stream up but i guess that is too hard to ask for as well.Nate HilpertJuly 14, 2017 at 1:16 pm #33043
Doesn’t sound like you were being a friend to them if all you cared about was what they were going to give you in return. But I guess if you faked it well enough, they still owe you, right? By pretending to be their friend, they owe you the same hours you spend on their stream? If that’s the case, I wouldn’t want you watching my channel. That’s not a friend, that’s a leech. Someone who feels entitled to my time because they gave me something isn’t someone I’d want to hang out with either.
I hope this is cutting because what you’re doing to them isn’t fair, but more importantly what you’re doing to yourself isn’t either. Telling yourself you’re worthless, telling yourself that you’ll never be anyone, telling yourself that because you experienced failure, you ARE a failure. It’s all bullshit. You DO matter. You ALREADY ARE someone important. And failing at something doesn’t make YOU a failure.
Twitch is a community about true passion and friendship. Passion, meaning whatever you’re streaming, you’d be streaming it even if no one was watching. Friendship, meaning you’d be watching whatever they’re streaming and spending time with them even if you get nothing in return…because the “return” is the relationship. The “return” is growing in friendship with someone. The “return” of streaming is your own enjoyment. Every streamer I’ve heard talk about their success boils it down to these two things: they love what they do, and they care about other people. If the only thing you care about is getting validated in who you are from your stream’s success, you’re in it for the wrong reasons, and you’re never going to feel enough. Because if one person watched your stream, you’d want two, two you’d want four, four you’d want ten, ten you’d want twenty, twenty you’d want fifty, fifty you’d want a hundred. You’d never be satisfied if you’re looking for validation because you’d look at someone else’s stream and say, “Well, why am I not as successful as them? And that other person, and that other person?” It’s the wrong question to be asking. No one else could ever do or say anything to make you feel successful and important, because at the end of the day, the person that has to BELIEVE that is YOU. And if you don’t believe that yourSELF, there’s nothing that will prove it to you. The truth is, you already ARE successful, you already ARE important, because you are living and fucking breathing. You were made with inherent worth, and if you don’t believe that, you’re not going to find that kind of validation anywhere else. Believe me, I’ve tried. I tried everything…every kind of success you can imagine, and I’ve been extremely successful, yet felt completely worthless. It wasn’t until I gave up the search for external accomplishment to validate internal places. I began to search inside myself and learn to accept who I am and validate the person I saw. That’s the only way this rodeo goes. You might not believe me, but I don’t care how successful your stream could ever get, you will still feel the same about yourself at the end of the day, except maybe even worse because you would feel this bad with that much success, and that would suck hard.
So at the end of the day, man, you’re asking shitty questions and throwing a tantrum at the people around you who genuinely care for you. You’re squandering the things that you DO have because you aren’t grateful for them. And you’re being a dick to yourself in the process. This isn’t cool, and you’ve got to stop. You’ve got to take a breath and realize inside yourself that you’re a cool person. Realize that success won’t give you that. Friendship is more satisfying in the end anyways, and if you’ve got that, you’re already tremendously successful. Don’t waste that on self pity. You matter too much for that. Wake up, man. You’ve got a good life. See it that way, be grateful for it, and your attitude should morph to reflect the blessings you’ve already received.
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