melisajoySeptember 6, 2017 at 5:29 pm #33715
I lost my brother to suicide last July. July 27, 2016 to be exact. It has been the hardest year of my life.
I’m 27. My brother and I were 4 years apart but so close with each other. I never saw this coming. I know he was struggling with personal things in his life but I never suspected that he felt this bad about these things. I didn’t realize how far down he was. I spent a lot of time dealing with guilt, thinking that I should have or could have done something more to help him.. to prevent this.
I went through every stage of grief. I’ve had more bad days than good.
But I’m still here and I’m still going.
I just wanted to share this with everyone struggling with depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts… Please know that there is light beyond this darkness. There is life. You are here for a reason. If I had known my brother had thoughts of hurting himself just to end his temporary pain, I would have said to him, “You are here for a reason. You are my brother. You are my best friend. You are a son. You are a fucking amazing person. You are meant to be here.”
I can’t even tell you how many people were at his funeral services. The people were overflowing out of the building. He had such dark demons that I could have helped him fight. I understand that the battle was with himself. I just wish things could have gone differently.
Now, I live with the fact that my brother isn’t here to call or text. He wasn’t at my wedding in June. He just isn’t here to share so many things with.
You have so many people who love you. Who care. Everyone here is here to support you.
Thanks for listening,
MelisaNomadicWandererSeptember 7, 2017 at 8:40 am #33722
I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I can’t imagine. Know that we are here for you. Hugs.cananjones1028September 7, 2017 at 9:30 pm #33740
I hope you never feel the pain that people feel to make them suicidal. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But I understand why people do it. I understand why people feel the need to go through with it.melisajoySeptember 11, 2017 at 3:08 pm #33789
I didn’t said that I have never had these thoughts. Because I have. Many times. You don’t know anything about me except what I’ve shared here. Everyone’s story is different. I’m not sure if your response was to make me feel better that my brother took his own life. I understand that pain. I’ve been in that darkness. I battle it every single day. And now, I’ve felt an even greater pain. That of losing my brother. I don’t think I need to try and make anyone understand what I’m going through, so I won’t.
If this is the type of support that is shared here, I’d rather not take it. Thanks anyway.cananjones1028September 11, 2017 at 4:11 pm #33790
Well if that’s how you feel
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