• TacticalBacn
    June 18, 2017 at 9:33 pm #32549

    what are steps that have worked to forgiving yourself? I want to be okay. I want to be happy. But everyday is a new day I contemplate how to die with minimum impact on my family. But thats beside the point. The point is that there is this shitty part of me that is still fighting to stay alive. A part of me wants to know how to live with myself. Steps that I haven’t tried or something that will help me accept and move on. Maybe this other part of me is too strong and wont let go and I’m doomed to die from this infection? When I get to the point that I’ve genuinely, like 100% given everything to try and still can’t change can it be okay to just not care and give up? I mean sometimes, I just want to seriously just buy a ticket to Mozambique and live at heidi baker’s orphanage just so I can volunteer. That why at least I’m giving something while hating my complete existence. Worrying about bills and trying to progress with the added weight of a complete genuine self hatred is jus too much. I’m just so done. I’m not saying this because it’s convenient. I am a terrible human being. I am among the worst and this is fact. I say this because I’m not being a drama llama seeking attention. Not being an over dramatic self-pitying child. I’ve fully analyzed myself, who I am and I just can NOT seem to change. When it comes down to it. When it matters most and down to the important moments, this self righteous arrogant prick who’s right about everything comes out. Is it agreeable that some people should never have been born?

    I just want to be okay.

    ashandis
    June 18, 2017 at 10:32 pm #32559

    Hey friend,

    So first thank you for coming to the wall. Second please know that I don’t have all the answers whatsoever. I myself struggle and reading your post struck me. I actually had to read this twice because I wasn’t paying attention. I read a little than let myself get distracted but this is a post I need to reply to so here it goes.

    First there are no mistakes in my eyes. I personally can tell you that from my own life time I have felt why was I here. Whys can’t be answered ever. And when we ask those whys we are making it truly harder on ourselves. There is a reason you are here and you where born. Maybe down the line it is to help someone els. You mentioned giving back. Well I know it migh seem tough at this very moment but some where there will be light. I see it this way bad lemons do have good spots they are just hidden really well. And you my friend are a good lemon. It is hard in our world to love ourselves to accept ourselves with flaws. Not going to lie I struggle really hard right here. My life has been hard. Today I spoke to my sister about the fact that if we don’t love ourselves what are we telling the world. So my friend I want you to know I am sending you as much love as I can. I hope you will see soon enough this world is filled with good people and that you are one of them. We all are human and make mistakes so let’s share those mistakes and learn to that being human means it is okay. I can’t say you can forgive yourself easily but with time. Find one thing about yourself that you like just one small thing. Once you find that thing hold tight to it. Use it to get others to grow to love even a small part. You are worth loving. I had to do that and still am so join me on this battle of slowly learning to love what I hate.

    If you need to chat I am here.
    Ash

    SmashedNintendo247
    June 20, 2017 at 10:23 pm #32612

    Hmmm…Self Righteous Prick? I feel like you’re probably just being honest, but you’re perceiving it differently and others veiwing it the same. If you use it to stand up for what is right, then you will always be far from wrong. Maybe the people around you need to take a look at them selves as well. What ever it is, it clearly brought you here to speak out about. I don’t feel you should be feeling the way you do.You’re environment seems to be key. With someone that you’re not happy with maybe? That’s not uncommon and know this…if you stay in that relationship,both people end up unhappy. Losing chemistry takes tolls. Think about getting out in your city and meeting someone new if that is what I believe is going on. Everything will turn up for you. Keep Yo head up!! Best wishes dudez!

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