TheeBrokenBananaJune 18, 2017 at 11:07 am #32544
For a good majority of my life my parents have been emotionally/verbally abusive. Especially my father. Within the past couple years, my mom has changed and isn’t nearly as bad as she was. Shes learned compassion and to listen rather than always just get mad at me for stuff and start saying I’m a waste of space, money, etc. But my dad…hes gotten worse. His anger has grown. Hes become bitter towards everyone. Hes self-centered and always tells my family and I that he wants to go kill himself or run away because he thinks we waste his money and that he should be able to spend it on himself and himself only.
Don’t get me wrong, my dad has done a lot for me. It is just hard to love someone who is so negative, self-centered, and who constantly argues with me and says I’m not good enough or blames me for stuff. Its hard to love someone who causes me so much hurt. I want to love him and celebrate him but at the same time, I’m looking at my friends posts about the positives they see in their dads and thinking “how do I write a post about positives of my dad when theres not a whole lot? Do I lie?” Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I’d be a stronger person, see myself differently, and just be in a better place if I’d had a more supportive, encouraging experience with my dad and mom when I was younger. A lot of the negative crap that floats through my head is stuff that I remember them saying.
I guess you could say Fathers Day just isn’t one of those days thats high on my favorites list. Maybe I’m just still trying to get over the phone argument and the hurt it caused the other day. I don’t know.
Advice is welcome. Thanks. <3
Side note: Thank you all for your support on my last post. I was in a very dark, broken place when I posted it…since, things have gotten better. This community plays a big part in me getting through my darkest days in so many ways. You all are amazing, wonderful, and I’m so blessed to have friends here. Thank you. *hugs*AVJRJune 18, 2017 at 8:37 pm #32545
I hope this video helps out. 😕
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