• Mauro
    March 8, 2017 at 2:15 am #30905

    Im honestly a bit afraid of posting, im afraid of been seen as just a whiney guy that just doesn’t “man up” or at least thats what i see everywhere, reason why i dont even want to talk to my last 2 closest friends, cause im afraid they would grow tired of me anf see me as a whiney person.

    I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress at work for the past 2 months since i was moved to a new dept in the hopes of getting promoted, problem is the new dept didnt even start, it was cancelled after a while and i have been moved to several depts within a month, today being another change, another day i have to take my stuff to another cubicle. In this new dept i wont have any growth opportunities since its all pretty much set already.

    In addition i was in a band and was very happy about it, until the bandmates started asking for money,disregarded everything i wrote as not good and not like this or that particular band and was just told i should consider if i can actually do something productive for the band, reason why im almost certain i dont want to be in this band anymore.

    I have been trying hard to keep going, i have been trying to ask God better questions to learn from this, to ser whatever im supposed to see in all of this but i havent gotten an answer. It just feels like i’ve lost everything i cared for in the past year, my house,my relationships,my girlfriend which añl were important to me. And even though i know losing my house and my girlfriend was out of my hands because it wasn’t technically my house in paper and my girlfriend treated me very bad for a considerable amount of time making me see i couldn’t stay with her anymore, i still feel baf and hurt about it, like it was not fair for me to fight for a house and lose it and it was not fair for me to give everything i had to someone that changed and didnt care anymore and now im all alone and broken, back to square 1.

    Im tired, i cant sleep well anymore trying to think what can i do to find thr positive in this and what can i learn and practice to make things work, to set myself up for success. I have had issues all my life but its been almost 2 years that i have been struggling the hardest to find what im looking for and also its been the toughest of all years to bear.

    If an analogy works i’d say i feel like mad max in the latest movie:alone, lost in a desert and looking for a place where i can finally find what im looking for but instead i’ve found cheating, pain, lies, disappointment and loss. I feel like a failure, and with no possibility to attract a girl that wont cheat or abandon me.

    March 9, 2017 at 9:07 am #30935

    Hi Mauro!

    You don’t have to feel like you are being “whiny”. We all go through stuff and talking about it is so healing. So never feel like you shouldn’t speak up, because you should. you are not a failure. You are not damaged good because of what you have gone through. You are walking through a bunch of rainstorms and you will find that you are learning lessons, you are getting clean. Life has been really unfair and hard to you recently, but I know that you will find your way. You are loved and you are good enough. For the time being, don’t worry about getting a girlfriend. Those things will happen when it’s supposed to. I feel like right now you should focus on yourself and doing what you can to kick the darkness that has surrounded you out of your life. I mean gf and bf are nice, but I think right now you need to focus on yourself. But with all of that being said, you will find someone someday who is everything you ever prayed for. I don’t really know how to help with the band or career stuff, but all I can say is that you are never really stuck. If you keep working on yourself the future will bring more opportunities with it. Hold fast. We believe in you!


    March 9, 2017 at 1:49 pm #30936


    Don’t feel like you are whiny. I can relate to everything you said. This past year I have struggled to find anything positive. My gf broke up with me. My job doesn’t have any opportunities for promotion or growth. More work gets dumped on me on a daily basis. I live with 3 roommates who don’t pick up after themselves. So I feel like I’m their parent always picking up after them. They aren’t quiet during the times I typically sleep. Not that that matters much because I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in months. I feel like I’m a burden to my friends because when I talk about life this is what it ends up like.

    I know it’s hard but you have to keep pushing forward. Keep searching. Keep believing that things will get better. For me what has helped me is to look at my character. I like who I am. I just don’t like where my life is. I have been taking steps to change where I am, hoping I can shake this rut of poop. Honestly it’s made things more difficult but I know I can’t do what I’ve been doing and be ok. So I have to at least try.

    I don’t know if there was anything in there to help you. Just know there are others of us who feel the same. You are not whining. You are trying to make sense of what is happening. Just try to push through things will turn around.

    March 10, 2017 at 12:48 pm #30966

    Thanks for the words guys, i agree with what you said. Looking for a gf right now doesnt even feel ok but i dunno i just feel alone and unloved. But i do feel that whatever i have to do has to be with and for me, i feel i do have set sail and leave the shore even if that means being out of romantic relationships for another 8 years or so, and im not afraid of that, i just dont know where or how to set sail. I dont know how to work in me to get out of all of this and find a better living

    Nate Hilpert
    March 16, 2017 at 12:16 pm #31088


    Man, feels like you had success in your hands — the house, the girl, the job, the band — and now, it feels like all of it is literally falling through the cracks of your fingertips…it feels like all of this work that you did to build a life you love has been knocked over in one fell swoop…like a wave came and destroyed your castle, and now you’re left in the rubble…it’s so damn discouraging because you poured in so much of yourself and so much of your life into it, that it feels pointless to even try to rebuild something, because you’re afraid it’s going to get knocked down all over again. Everything really feels pointless right now…your job has no promotions, your band doesn’t care about you, your girlfriend changed, your house was taken away…it’s like — what do I have left? Like you said, you’re stuck in this desert, all alone, starting from scratch, but you feel UNLIKE mad max because you feel completely alone and completely aimless…like you have no idea where to go with your life.

    And dude, I can relate a lot…I remember when my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, my band of 2 years kicked me out, I got rejected from another band, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I just felt like I was alone…really alone…like I had people who knew me and even people who liked me but no one who truly CARED about me…who wanted to know wha tI was going through and help me through life, and I just felt like I had no where to turn…I felt like so much I had built just came crashing down, and I was alone in the rubble, not really caring to rebuild it but just mainly wanting to feel better…escape from the pain…

    I know at this point you had been saying that you’ve been asking God better questions but haven’t gotten any answers, and that feels even more disheartening because it feels like He’s supposed to….

    But if I’m to be brutally honest, bro…sometimes when you say “I asked God and He didn’t give me an answer”, it’s a cop out. It’s asking God to swoop in and rescue you, when it’s not a situation where you necessarily need rescuing.

    Here’s what I mean…as we grow in our relationship with God, God wants us to mature. For instance, would your parents be cool if they were still wiping your butt every time you pooped because you never grew up? In the same way, God wants us to learn, to grow, to mature, to BECOME better, more capable, more virtuous men. He is shaping you to become more like Jesus, and maybe the reason God isn’t “giving you an answer” or “making everything better”, really, is because He’s inviting you to grow. He wants you to become stronger through this season instead of more dependent.

    So instead of waiting for God to answer your question “How can I learn through this circumstance? What is a new goal I can work towards? What is the purpose of my life, and how do I start working towards that?” Those kinds of helpful questions that you’re trying to ask, instead of waiting for God to write them in the clouds for you, maybe He’s inviting you to lean in…to have the emotional resilience to answer those questions for yourself…to stop waiting for Him to solve your problems but instead to start taking steps to making things better and invite Him to HELP instead of to do it FOR you.

    I think that this is all a good sign. It’s a sign that God is fathering you. That He’s not going to leave you to be completely dependent but that He’s growing you up, and He’s inviting you into a deeper relationship and level of intimacy with Him. Step in it with Him, bro!


    March 17, 2017 at 10:29 pm #31115

    Thanks for the words Bro! in all honesty i still feel lost in this but i think you have a great point there.As much as it is hard to admit i am very dependent,it is the truth. I’ll meditate on these words.

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