• Greenwhich
    May 19, 2017 at 5:50 pm #31958

    Young one here, in the late teens.

    I’ve been struggling with how I’ve been treating people I really like these past few years. I find myself constantly looking towards them, even if the don’t feel the same way. It’s more or less an emotional response, and if I try to combat it, I usually melt down in some way or another later if I do. Even if the person feels the same way, I still take things too far and end up making them uncomfortable. I’ve lost friends due to this, and I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve even met someone who cares about me and wants to be in contact and spend time with me, but I still take things too far even with her and end up hurting somebody. Myself and/or them. I’m afraid if I do this a few more times that I will lose them forever. In addition, I feel like the greatest sleazebag on Earth from all this and hate myself for it. I’m both afraid to try to be close to someone in fear of being creepy and afraid to keep distance and lose people. As a result, I’m starting to consider reaching out to a professional counselor for this.

    There’s your five minutes of fun for the day; any insights?

    purple
    May 24, 2017 at 12:40 am #32093

    Hi. I understand you completely as I’m still struggling with the same thing. I haven’t done much to overcome this as well, but currently I tried to know the exact reason of why I was really needy with my friends. And I’ve discovered one reason so far. I realized I don’t feel comfortable with myself. I’m an introvert, so I always feel I’m boring or awkward because I don’t talk much. I feel I don’t have much to offer so I don’t deserve to be liked. So, when someone being just slightly nice to me, I cling desperately to them because I’m afraid I won’t find anyone else to befriend. And yes, I always make them uncomfortable as well. And I hate myself even more after that.

    Today, what I do now is try to improve myself by reading more and learning new skill to make myself more interesting, at least to my own standard, to make more proud and happy with myself. But, I don’t know if it’s the best way for your problem. I just want you to know you’re not alone in this.

    Nate Hilpert
    May 24, 2017 at 1:30 pm #32114

    Greenwhich,

    It’s the worst feeling when you feel the monster that’s taking down your life is inside of you…it almost feels like if it were “out there” somewhere, it’d be easier to take down. You’d be ready for it. But it’s almost like — where do I even start to work through this, to battle on a front that I can’t even see, can’t even grasp…something that’s inside of me? It’s like your desires, your thoughts rarely match your actions, and you find yourself disgusted by your own choices…it makes no sense because you KNOW what you should do and who you want to be…and yet…here you are…it’s infuriating…sickening…over and over and over and over…and you NEED a change. It’s not an option to stay the same, because you see where this road is leading….to utter loneliness…or worse…

    And man, I get it. Different details but similar heart….feeling completely trapped by something on the inside of me that feels much more in control of me than I am of myself…feeling enraged and powerless and in despair over something that feels uncontrollable….uninfluenceable…it feels hopeless more often than not.

    And first thing’s first….man….you are not alone. And you are not a monster….honestly, truly, whatever you’ve done — the thoughts, the feelings, the actions — you are NOT a monster…the things you’ve done, while you wish you could take them back now, in the moment felt like they were the best option you had….you really have been doing your best and trying your best to make the most logical decision in the moment, and for whatever reason, you chose those choices. SHAME for what you’ve done will only dive you to isolate, to fester, and to get worse. You are not embarrassing, man. You are IN PROCESS.

    Your heart is good. You want better for yourself, and for your life. TAKE ACTION NOW on that desire…YES, go to counseling…YES, open up to others…YES, find ways to dig deep inside yourself, understand yourself, where these desires come from and how to untangle the mess that’s underneath them, how to heal from the damage that happened to your heart in your past, and heal from the roots up. You are not destined to stay stuck, and you are certainly not alone. Regardless of what you’ve felt about God in your life, He wants to guide you, to help you, to heal you, and ultimately to love you. To help you know you’re not alone. To be with you in this process and restore you to your purpose and design. He is good, and HIs intentions for you are pure. He helped me flip my life on its head and continues to journey forward with me — through all of the messiness…through my darkest of darkness…and into the light, ever more each day. He wants the same for you.

    In this with you
    -Nate

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