K.MeyersSeptember 20, 2017 at 3:32 am #33937
I think one reason why I feel like I am struggling so badly through recovery is because I never really developed any coping mechanisms outside of self harm. I started self harming when I was twelve and used different variations of hurting myself to cope with my brain and life. Because I did that for so long it really became my only way of coping. This time around with recovery I have made it further than ever because I have actually started to form some coping mechanisms. The biggest one that has helped me is I actually bought a five year journal and I write down every day I am cut free. Being able to see that number get bigger every day and being able to physically see my progress really helps. Another mechanism I have formed is actually kind of odd but it helps. I will sit on my bed with a pair of tweezers and pluck hairs from my legs one by one. Sometimes I will spend literal hours doing this. It produces enough of a pain response to at least take the edge off (for me, at least) and it doesn’t break the skin. I also go to any show I can get to. I live show to show. The Exchange (local venue) is more like home than any place I have laid my head. Most shows I go to I headbang until I can’t see straight and it feels amazing. Eating (oh boy do I ever like food) and constantly listening to music are also a couple other ways I cope as well as showering.
I have more coping mechanisms than I ever have and it really helps and is probably why I have gotten this far. However, I am still struggling a lot and some days it feels like it isn’t enough. So I’m asking you guys, what are some ways you cope
(It’s 230am so I’m not entirely sure who will see this but I’m a night owl, because what is sleep?)ashandisSeptember 21, 2017 at 10:35 pm #33964
First I would like to say hi I hope since this post life is feeling a little less like you are struggling or that something just is going right. Please know that anything I say is not to make you feel in anyway I am hating on you for the means you do. I want to be clear that I come at this from a different perspective and that what I say in my reply may just be me. So I read your post like yesterday but had so much stink homework and my computer decided to go funky I lost my reply I started this is take two.
I noticed when I read your post that the mechanism you seem to have some are amazing let me just say I may steal one of them but there is one that you mentioned that I really want to touch on. I dont know how your self harm was but I know myself personally if I sat and plucked the hairs from my legs it would be boarding on me self harming. But I also have a lot of issues with scratching so I really want you to know that if this is working for you than that is wonderful but please be careful to know what truly could be the root of it. The book Rewrite that HeartSupport put out truly has a big point in learning what the cause of your self harm is and avoiding that. So if it is this idea of pain you seeked to me it sounds like you are still getting that from pulling the hairs from your legs. Self harm is an addiction and like any addiction people seek out the means of getting the same response but getting around it. I know that may not be what you are trying to achieve but it happens. So dont be ashamed of this or thing that you are in a bad place or wrong for such. Hey yes it is a stepping down and baby steps are so important. I do want to say though that your journal idea is a wonderful one. You seem to be a person who likes to see what comes out and you like to achieve something.
So you asked how we cope. Well I am in the process myself of learning all my ways but I have a lot. So one way I like that is new to me is working out (I am limited in this due to a heart condition so it isnt the best bet but it really helps). I love to walk and listen to music. Like the idea of being out (when it is cool out) truly helps me like the outside is so amazing. I also really love to sew this is one of those that when I am done I have made something. Sadly sewing takes a lot of time and energy and when school is in session or I have had a rough day it gets harder. I also love to come to the support wall and help people I think this is one that is becoming my favorite. I tend to sit down with a nice cup of coffee or tea and reply to posts. For me the idea of being able to change someone elses life makes me feel like I am making a difference. This is also my community. I have meet so many amazing people here. So maybe give something new a shot. Maybe go find something you never thought you would do or pick up a hobby who knows it might help you a lot.
Know though that you are strong and you can do this.
AshK.MeyersSeptember 22, 2017 at 12:51 am #33967
Hey, ashandis,I totally do not think you’re hating on me. Actually, I very very much appreciate your reply. It’s the first time in a long time someone has actually been real with me in regards to self harm.
You are not wrong about pulling hairs from my legs bordering on self harm. I will admit it is pretty close to the edge of that. I guess for me right now I use the term self harm loosely, because when I’m talking about self harm I just mean cutting. I know there are many other forms of self harm and unfortunately I still do some to an extent but what I’m really focused on right now is just not cutting myself. Pulling hair from my legs is my way of feeling the hurt without cutting. You’re definitely right, self harm is an addiction. I am actually really thankful for you saying that because whenever I have said it, even to professionals, I get looked at like I suddenly grew three more heads. So thank you for that. I have heard of the book and hopefully will own a copy in the future. I do hope that one day I can say I do nothing to purposefully hurt myself because unfortunately I do still hurt myself in other ways (not nearly to the magnitude of cutting though) but for now being able to say I am cut free is okay.
As far as the journal goes, it honestly has helped me immensely. Just being able to see my progress and keep track of where I am eases my mind. I actually started the journal before the last time I relapsed with cutting, and honestly after having to write “zero days clean” and then start over, knowing that if I do relapse again that is something I will have to once again do, it helps a lot in keeping me from cutting myself again
I have heard from many people that exercise helps. I definitely need to get started with that. I walk a lot but that’s about all I do for physical activity.
Thanks again for your reply, seriously. It means so much to me that I can actually talk to people about this stuff. I love this place.
– Kristina.smilesSeptember 23, 2017 at 9:11 pm #33989
i have a similar story to yours i was also a cutter (now im almost 2 months clean) im so glad you decided to stop that i also felt like that was my only coping skill i thought that was the only way i could release what i was feeling and dealing with but then i just recently discovered poetry and it has really helped me release my emotions and let out what im really feeling in a creative way! i feel like if you want to start writing poetry, you dont have to but you could buy a nice journal that youd want to write in and write it doesnt have to be poetry it could simpily be your feelings. this is one of my main coping skills along with reading and coloring/drawing. thanks for posting this i really enjoyed reading it <3 🙂
-smilesK.MeyersSeptember 23, 2017 at 11:38 pm #33991
Smiles, CONGRATULATIONS on being almost two months clean. That is amazing
Writing is a really good coping mechanism. I used to do a lot of it, and I mean a lot of it, but sadly I just haven’t really had the heart for it.
– KristinaashandisSeptember 24, 2017 at 2:41 pm #33993
I get it self harm is so much and honestly for me it has been a struggle I do more than one type and it is hard to know how to stop. Taking baby steps is working for you that is important. You are working on it.
On the fact of being sure you knew that me saying what I was because it struck concern to me and I had to share. I am glad you got that I was being honest. I know it might seem crazy but I want you to know that you have support and that we care. It is really hard to overcome this addiction. If right now your step to getting better is taking one part away that is a step closer to full healing. Just dont give up on achieving that full healing. I dont know if you have read the book HeartSupport put out called Rewrite. If not let me just say there is a bunch in this book that truly could help you. I have found it to be the thing that really has helped me. There is a lot in this book it looks tiny but it is packed I highly recommend it.
AshK.MeyersSeptember 26, 2017 at 2:13 am #34020
It’s actually scary to think about the amount of things contained within the phrase “self-harm”. There are so, so many ways to intentionally hurt yourself. I definitely have not known how to stop. I am slowly learning though. It is really helpful to know there are people who care and who want me to succeed in getting better. Thank you. I have actually started reading the book and I know it is going to be an amazing tool and hopefully this time, with the book in my hands, recovery will hopefully stick
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