emmaspurlockJune 19, 2017 at 4:00 am #32566
Hi. My name is Emma. My first language is not English so please be patient. I deeply apologize if there are grammar mistakes or of I mix up some words. I came across heart support when searching online for online support group websites and things like that. Here’s why I was searching for an online support system:
Friday, June 16, 2017, I was diagnosed with cancer. Grade 3 cancer. Before I go into this some more, I just want you all that’s reading this to know I’m new to all of this stuff, the vocabulary and terms and all. I apologize in advance if K mess up done terms or give false information. I am still learning. I’m not perfect. Im not a doctor and Im certainly not smart. There are four different grades of cancer. Grade one is the “best type of cancer one can get”, quoting my doctor, he says people who have grade one cancer have the highest chances of beating cancer and being cancer free. Grade four cancer is usually the worst. Grade four cancer is usually when the original cancer has spread to another part of the body. I have grade three brain cancer. I will have to undergo surgery. After surgery I will need to undergo chemotherapy. I may even need radiation as well. I don’t get it… I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t live or work near anywhere where I could be exposed to radiation. I eat well. I exercise everyday. I walk 10,000 steps a day. I don’t want to have half of my head shaved off and I certainly do not want someone to cut into my brain. Brain surgery is so risky. It’s easy for doctors to mess up and leave someone with brain damage the rest of their lives. I don’t want that. I’m also starting high school soon. I’m not going to drop out or do homeschooling. I’m going to high school.
I also have depression, anxiety, PTSD, and schizophrenia. I self harm. A lot. It just started about 3 months ago. Nobody even knows. No one has noticed. I have bad panic/anxiety attacks everyday. PTSD and hospitals do not go well together. Hospitals are very touchy. To get a spinal tap, get BP taken, temperature taken, anything, a doctor, nurse, or someone else, has to touch you. When I got raped, I had to go to the hospital to get a rape lot done. A rape kit is to check up on you to make sure there’s no physical damage and also to collect data to try to get whoever raped you in trouble. So going to the hospital, and especially being put in a private room, is very, VERY, so triggering to me. It reminds me of what happened to me and what they did to me. I don’t know how I will get through this. I’ll be on the hospital and doctors offices very often soon. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m so scared. I am certainly very overwhelmed. I have never been to therapy or counseling. I’m scared to go. Has anyone here gone to counseling/therapy? What is it like? I don’t want to admit I need someone to talk to, but I do. I’m not good at being open, so I feel like therapy could just end up being a waste of time.
Thank you all who read this and did listening. It’s all justness ranting and complaining.. I’m sorry, but I didn’t know what to so. I felt like I was almost going to loose it, but once I got it all out, I feel a little better and definitely more relieved. Like a weight has been taken off of my shoulders. Any advice, words of encouragement, anything, would greatly appreciated. Thank you guys again.IAmCassieJune 19, 2017 at 12:37 pm #32571
I am so so glad that you found HeartSupport! You are going to find a community of people who want to help you and are going to encourage you and support you every step in your journey. I am so proud of you for opening up on here, it can be so scary to do that and so just know I think you are pretty dang awesome. I have gone to therapy. I still go to therapy. What is it like? Well first you fill out this sheet with your information so they know a little bit about how to help you. The first meeting is the hardest. That is the one where you have to open up and tell a stranger what is wrong. But even though the first session is hard, it gets easier and easier every time you go. There might be sessions that are more difficult than others, but I promise you it is so worth it. I did not want to go to therapy for the longest time, but when I finially went it was nice to have someone I could open up to. It was like having someone who would give me tools to fight back my anxiety and depression. So in summary, therapy is not always easy, but it is always worth it.
I am so sorry about your diagnosis. I can’t imagine having to go through surgeries and chemotherapies. That has to be so scary. I just want you to know that we all believe in you and we are going to be here for you! Whenever you need to vent about something, ask for encouragement, or if you just need to talk to someone our ears and hearts are always open. I also want you to know that HeartSupport has live streams on twitch every monday tuesday thursday and friday 4pm US eastern standard time and I think you should join us! You’ll find a whole bunch of people on that stream who will send you encouragements and even some people who have experienced what you are going through. (The streams might not be going on this week because of Warped Tour I’m not sure. But keep checking back because they will be live streaming again soon!)
Hold Fast. We belive in you.
Cassie <3AVJRJune 19, 2017 at 12:47 pm #32572
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