Evan9171August 11, 2017 at 9:45 pm #33445
The other day someone wrote about their birthday and it inspired me to write about mine. My birthday is next week and it has been a day I wish I could completely skip over. Its the day I feel most alone. What happens every year is my brother wants to go out so he picks a day and a time and I invite people I hang out with from time to time and nobody shows up just my brother and his friends. I end up going home and the thoughts of worthlessness and self hate come rushing in and than I start questioning why am I even here whats the point. Its by far my darkest day of the year. I have only been here for a few months and I’m finally understanding how my thoughts work and none of that is true. I have given up all forms of negative coping methods although I have relapsed a few times. Music has turned into my coping method but the thoughts still come and go but I can ignore most of them. I’m still fighting the thought of not good enough and a new one of why not go back to the way I was before to numb out the thoughts but that only made the thoughts much worse. One thought that made me fail is one time wont hurt but someone told me to think I don’t want to go down that road again and has saved me countless times.
For my birthday this year I’m doing things differently I’m taking the day off of work and having a me day. I will be able to watch the full live stream for once and than dinner with my family.
HeartSupport kind of found me when my life was really spiraling out of control. I’m glad I’m here. The support wall and live stream has helped me a lot to the point where I can say I’m happy from time to time. People on here have reached out to me asked me how I’m doing and that has meant so much to me that somebody cares and that has really helped to make a lot of the negative thoughts go away. I really appreciate all the love you all have shown me.
Evan.AVJRAugust 11, 2017 at 11:18 pm #33446
Happy Early Birthday, Evan! Enjoy your time at the HS stream. 🎈🎁🎊🎂🍽John WillifordAugust 14, 2017 at 7:54 am #33464
What up Evan!! Hey when’s your birthday??ashandisAugust 14, 2017 at 10:07 am #33467
Happy early birthday first off. As someone I cheerish so much you make me smile during the streams. The other day you reached out to me and told me some things that honestly helped me a lot. You are one amazing person. I am very glad you decided to take the day of your birth for you. I find that is how my birthday is best spent. I am also one who does not like the day I was born because there is a lot of negativity around it for me too. But here is in my life time I have learned to cope with that. First I make a plan of what I want to do. My birthday lately has been on a school day so I have college classes to attend and than I just go do whatever Ash wants to do. I tend to say uh my world is filled with people in a different way. It sounds to me a lot of your friends are here at HS. I personally have to say this is where I would prefer to hang out anyway. I love this group. You deserve what makes you happy. Also know that if you get down on your birthday that I am here for you.
AshEvan9171August 14, 2017 at 9:14 pm #33486
Ash, thanks it means a lot, you made me smile today.I got the idea of a me day from you. You post a ton of awesome advice to others and I try to see what will work for me. Yes most of my friends are here its nice to be able to talk about my feelings and what I am going through with out judgement and feeling ashamed.
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