grandmastrqueenSeptember 12, 2017 at 4:46 pm #33808
It seems every time I try to find some light in my life cascades of crap happen that literally makes me want to step out in front of a moving bus. I know that’s awful but the bad stuff makes you wonder what could be so bad about death. The most recent things that makes me want to give up:My job that I love so much is closing down and I’m not being laid off, but I won’t be able to work as much as I have before, then my great grandmother passed and it reminded me of how I couldn’t be there when my father passed away 7 years ago, and finally my ex was pissed because I did not want to be with him anymore and he posted a photo of my performing a sexual act on him that I was aware was taken but I had deleted from his phone myself. SO I have no clue where he had the picture stored and if he has anymore and I live every day after another photo will be posted and all I can think is I would hate for my son to come across such photos one day. I feel so stupid for trusting him and know part of it was my fault and now, I wish he would just leave me alone. I thought I could beat my depression alone but now I know I can’t. I really don’t know where I went wrong in my life, but now I’m afraid to make anymore decisions for fear it could get worse than it is.NomadicWandererSeptember 15, 2017 at 11:31 am #33878
You are dealing with a lot. To go through all you’ve been through would cause anyone to get down. I can’t imagine what you’re going through with your ex posting the picture. That is beyond horrible! Know that none of these things define you. Know that you are doing the best you can. Keep fighting. You are strong.grandmastrqueenSeptember 15, 2017 at 1:43 pm #33881
Thank you, NomadicWanderer. These are the most encouraging words I’ve heard since I’ve started going through these things last month. Today was my last day of work at my gym, but I’ve been informed that they will be giving me hours at another location, but I am also relieved that I’m getting a break from working. I feel like in the past few years I have been overworking myself even when I am depressed I still go to work. I found myself a few days ago trying to figure out how to emotionally hurt my ex because of what he did and the things I came up with felt like too much and not enough, but one of my friends gave me some blunt advice that I know is true and right, but it’s the hardest thing to do right now. I was told to stop trying to hurt him because nothing will make me feel better and none of it will feel like enough for me. They told me I am stronger than most women they know and I should not start engaging myself in negative actions. They told me I need to move on and for as difficult as I know it’ll be, I know it’s what I need to do for myself. I know if I do not move on I’m just going to stay in emotional turmoil.
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