The Coke Addict That Helped Me Find Healing

A little over a year ago, I found myself in a 12-Step recovery program.

This is me, the vocalist of August Burns Red, a Follower of Christ……. and I was in a 12 step program. Addict.

I struggled with abandonment issues, having very close friends or family making me feeI “left me for dead” and over the years continued to grow inward, building more resentment, more angry and in turn lashing out at others. Even the people who had nothing to do with my pain, they were just in the cross fire of it all. It was affecting all of my relationships, my band mates, my wife, my friends…..and it was digging it’s way into everything that I  touched and it wasn’t going to stop unless I found a way to stop it and find healing.

There came a night when I had exhausted all of my options. I had drank myself into a stupor hoping it would go away. I had tried to close myself off to the outside world and not trust anyone. I pretty much did any and everything to run from what was bringing me pain, but what was wrong and broken was….well…..me. And I realized it would never leave. It’s comical how so many people think I have it together, or that my life must be going good since I’m in a relatively successful band, a Christian,  and married to an amazing woman. Obviously not the case as you can see, and my first step towards breaking the cycle was to recognize that I couldn’t fix myself. That I had an issue that had to be dealt with. And so I called on God for help.

The good news is that my prayer was answered. Not in the form of the clouds splitting and God speaking “Here I am to fix you!” And it certainly wasn’t that the next day that my feelings of resentment and abandonment suddenly disappeared. Nope. Instead, it was in the form of the 12 Step program. Ben (Sledge) had been working the steps himself and happened to introduce me to his buddy Josh (who’s story is insane), but I could see that this was perhaps what God was offering me as a way to not only get closer to Him, but to finally get healed.

Josh was the type of guy who’s story you listen to slack-jawed. He had run underground casino’s that had been busted up by federal marshals and had such a bad crack/cocaine addiction his friend’s nicknamed him the “coke machine.” He was averaging a couple thousand dollars a week on drugs. His story made mine look like a joke. I scream in a band. This guy had lived a scene straight out of the movie “Rounders“. I was intrigued to say the least. But upon hearing his story I thought, “Surely I don’t belong in 12-Step!? This guy for sure….but me?” But what Josh showed me is that ANY and EVERYONE should go through the 12-Steps. It doesn’t matter what the issue is: porn, drugs, resentment, self-love, self-hate, anger. It. didn’t. matter. And the funny part that had kept me and keeps so many others stuck was that most people don’t believe they have an issue. And that my friends, is simply PRIDE. And in realizing this, my journey began walking through my issues of resentment, anger and abandonment.

Josh and I

For the first time I really had to face myself in the mirror. Really see myself for who I was, what I had done wrong, where I was selfish, deceitful, lying, and manipulative. Perhaps one of the hardest things the Steps had me do was right my wrongs by making amends to those who I have hurt. Sometimes it went well. Other times it went horrible. And throughout this entire process the main focus was admitting I was powerless over my failures, flaws, and addictions and would always go back to them, but at the same time giving my will and power over to God and letting Him heal these areas of my heart I so desperately couldn’t fix.

Many of us wonder why God leaves us to struggle and why we can’t find healing, but you have to understand that God provides for us in so many different ways, and some of those ways can be a painful or a not-so-easy season of life. Most times we think it’s just too difficult of a path to take, so we quit before we ever begin. This was me for so many years, until I took the plunge and went through a difficult year of Steps work where he unveiled my true heart to me and showed me who I truly was and what I really needed.

What I’ve realized is that God is on a mission to get us back. He doesn’t want us living under an umbrella of resentment, unforgivness, and addiction. He wants us free and able to live out the purpose He has given us. That by giving Him these areas of my heart, He is able to unveil who I truly am and heal me from the inside out! It may be painful to do, like walking through a wall of flames, but in the end there’s healing. I cannot fix me, but Christ can.

And even when I didn’t want to love him or went back to my habits and addictions, he was still there working in my life, chasing after me, and loving me. It was like he was this obsessed madman who was searching for a lost son. Like child services wrongly stole your kid away and you were fighting to get them back tooth and nail.

And during my Steps work I really got to see that.

I had to face all the times I’ve gotten drunk to the times I’ve struggled with porn. The moments I’ve screamed at my band mates, my wife, my mother, father and sister. Or the times when I decide to spend money selfishly and run into debt. Or even the the times I ran away from home and got lost in a sea of women.

And what is amazing, is that when I hit this low point in my life, He was accepting me AS IS. It wasn’t that I couldn’t come to Him because I wasn’t good enough. It was that I could come to Him because I wasn’t good enough. He knows we’re often bent on our own destructive patterns, but He also has the answer. How? Because this father, “Creator”, made us in His image. And because we are His, his love is real. And that is what I felt. Loved.

Currently I’m on Step 11. And what I’ve discovered is that I’ve finally got to be a part of what I’ve started at HeartSupport. To be honest where I struggle and where I hurt and where I continually fall short…and be okay with that. And with admitting it in front of all of you. And I’m hoping….I’m praying…..you do the same. And see that maybe there really is this God who’s crazy about you and is searching to fill that one need we all feel.

To be loved.

I hope you take the plunge with me. I hope you share your stories, hurts, and struggles. And together we can become this community that holds our brokenness up and says “We’re not ashamed….and we’re getting better.

Showing 51 comments
  • T.low
    Reply

    Unreal. Thanks for sharing, Jake.

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Not a problem, appreciate you reading! God Bless.

  • Johnathan Tompkins
    Reply

    Thanks for being real and honest. The world needs more Christians and people in general who are willing to be transparent. Stay strong and in times of weakness remember that HE is strong. Love ya man!

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Thanks for taking the time to read and get here at heart support. God Bless.

      • Johnathan Tompkins
        Reply

        My pleasure. God bless and when I think about it I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  • Dylan White
    Reply

    Jake, you’ve always been a tremendous role model to me, from your music to your project here that you’ve started. Reading that was incredibly eye opening and more helpful to me and hopefully to others as well. Thanks for the wake up call!

    • Nate Hilpert
      Reply

      what did it open your eyes to?

      • Dylan White
        Reply

        I’ve been on this huge self improvement kick lately. I broke up with my girlfriend, got a different leadership position with less stress involved, and a few other things, so I have a lot more time for “me”. Before, I’d been working on making my relationship better, my fraternity, my Greek Life organization at school, my Greek Christian ministry program, my family, and so on. I forgot to work on myself, and my personal connections to God began to grow weaker on my end because I was being way to much of a busy body. Realizing this, I changed a lot, but I was convinced somehow that God was less loving than when I was closer to him. Reading this made me realize that wasn’t true, and that if I don’t have Christ as my backbone in this transformation, than it might as well not be a transformation at all. Also, I’ve convinced myself that I don’t have a problem with porn, that it isn’t sooo bad, and reading this really opened my eyes to be able to say it’s an addiction.

        • Nate Hilpert
          Reply

          Wow, Dylan…thanks so much for writing all of this out and being open about what you’re going through!!

          I struggle with that thought often as well…thinking that God loves me more when I do more…but you’re absolutely right…it’s NOT true–it’s a lie! God loves us regardless of our performance. JESUS performed, and that’s why He loves us. We are good enough now because of what He did. Now, we are ALWAYS good enough.

          What does it look like for you to have Christ as the backbone of your transformation?

          So what’s next? Now that you’ve realized you have an addiction to porn, what’s next?

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Dylan,
      Thats awesome man! So glad to hear that it opened your eyes. What exactly has it opened them up to? Glad you enjoyed the blog and appreciate you coming to Heart Support! God Bless.

  • Aaron Legg
    Reply

    Thanks for sharing Jake. It takes a real man to be so honest, and after reading this, I realize how real of a person you are. When I met you in November, I remember telling friends when I got home about how real you seemed, and I didn’t even feel like I was talking to a frontman of a huge band. I felt like I was talking to a normal dude who’s making music, and that’s no diss. I seldom encounter people that are willing to be transparent. Thank you for doing just that. God Bless you, brother.

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Aaron,
      I started Heart Support 4 years ago and i’ve realized that what i’m asking of you guys is to be open and unashamed of your struggles knowing that this place HS is a home. Well In order for me to ask this of you all, i needed to be to show you that I’m genuine and that i’m in this with you. So I too want to be open and real with everyone here at Heart Support.
      Thanks for reading. God Bless

      • Nathan Mendyk
        Reply

        4 years, man I’m old I wonder how old I will be when I stop reading this great stuff, I’ll bet till i’m about 23. ( 18 at the moment) and it takes some guts to spill those beans.

  • HeyJude9604
    Reply

    Inspirational stuff Jake. I really appreciate this article and can relate to it because I’ve been dealing with the struggle of sexual temptation and possibly becoming addicted to it. But however, last night I reached out again to my father for the first time in a while saying I can’t deal with this crap anymore and it’s not the man I want to be when I’m older. I told him about the xxxchurch.com software and now I’ll have a source of accountability. Gave him a list of exactly what to block! You talked to me a while back on it giving me advice and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I pray that I will continue this journey toward becoming a godly man in Christ. God bless!

    • Nate Hilpert
      Reply

      I’m proud of you for taking that step, man! If you need to talk with anyone as you step into this brave journey of purity, my email is [email protected] 🙂

      • HeyJude9604
        Reply

        That would be great Nate. And as for Jake, my name is actually Josh and the HeyJude9604 is just a screenname because I’m a huge Beatles fan. Regardless, thanks for the help from both of you. And to Jake, I’m a huge supporter of ABR and Heart Support. Once again, God Bless.

        • Jacobluhrs
          Reply

          Josh,
          Thats awesome glad you support ABR haha always nice to hear from a fan.
          Keep moving forward!

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Jude,
      That is really great to hear. We have to start somewhere, you just did. So congratulations on recognizing the issue and wanting to find a solution and bringing to your father. Thats commendable, continue taking the steps you need to seek help and resolution. God is good and He is as I say will take us as is and desires to heal us from our struggles, whether that be the past or the present. God Bless.

  • Jonahhigh
    Reply

    Really inspiring! I recently came to a point where I ended to renew my walk with Christ! The things in this post described me at that moment in my life. I’m not where I should be but God is showing me day by day how to get there! Thank you Jake and the rest of the heart support family!

    • Nate Hilpert
      Reply

      Tell me more about what got you to the place you needed to renew your walk with Christ…and what about this post helped you realize that!

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Jonah,
      I think it’s great that you’ve recommitted to Christ and now God is showing you day by day where He wants you. That I think is the biggest part of your relationship! It isn’t how many books you read, or how much theology you know, it isn’t about how well you can speak to crowds or how proud of Jesus you can be. It’s about giving your life over to God, it’s about loving Him and honoring Him with your life, your decisions, giving and being more like Him than yourself. It’s a commitment, one that is often times not desirable because it breaks us from who we desire or want to be, and brings us to where God wants us to be. In the world we live in, quite often those conflict. We want to be a Godly person until we have to give up an ungodly idol.. then we think twice about it. haha Like an addiction for example.
      Keep letting God in those broken areas of your heart and let Him do the leading. God Bless,

  • kane
    Reply

    Could you post the 12 step program?

    • Benjamin Sledge
      Reply

      We’ll be starting the program within HeartSupport this year. It’s intensive and requires commitment and not something that can be done on your own and require group setting (which we’ll do via video) and a sponsor who’s been through the program.

      • kane
        Reply

        that is amazing. i cant wait to start it. i believe this will be the answer to many of my prayers for change. thank you for doing this.

        • Nate Hilpert
          Reply

          We are just as excited 🙂

        • Jacobluhrs
          Reply

          Yeah man, we are excited for you! The steps has been done by most of the team here at Heart Support and we have started building the program to introduce it to the community. It’ll take some time for us to set things up but we are at work as we speak.
          God Bless,

  • Austin Wenger
    Reply

    Jake you serve as an inspiration to myself and many of my friends. Being from Lancaster I feel a special connection to support and follow the band the best I can. The fact that you all have turned this opportunity into such an amazing vessel to share the word of God is great. I can’t wait to see you guys on tour this spring

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Austin,
      Thank you for being such a huge supporter of the band and what we are doing as musicians. I also appreciate you checking out this blog and the community here at heart support. Thanks for believing in us and God Bless you.

  • Sarah Johnson
    Reply

    Incredibly inspiring! Thank you for sharing. I needed that reminder that God accepts us as is. We don’t need to try as fix ourselves because we can’t do it without Him. Thank you!

    • Nate Hilpert
      Reply

      What’s behind that? What part of your life did you need reminding that God accepts you just the way you are?

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Sarah,
      Thanks for reading. I appreciate that and yes AS IS. Thats how we are and thats how He wants us. We all have a starting point and I believe God wants all of us and wants to start that relationship then. Not after a month when you’ve cleaned yourself up a bit. Now.
      God Bless,

  • Jake Laughman
    Reply

    Hello Jake, I would just like to say thank you for being the biggest role model in my life. I am 18 and I’m now looked upon to be the man of the house, my father works a lot and is never home. When he is home he’s at a bar with his friends and putting his life at risk by driving home by himself, most-likely intoxicated.this has been happening nonstop for as long as I can remember. I don’t have a father figure in my life, my father never seemed to be there for me, play outside with me, comfort me when I was sad. When he was home he was angry all the time. That anger reflects greatly on me, it makes me feel the need to be angry all the time. About two years ago I listened to Thirty and Seven, The lyrics hit me in my soul and opened my eyes to see greater things in this world. I’ve tried everything I could to become a better man for my family and a better person for my friends. I even joined a Christian Alternative Rock band with my 4 closest friends to channel my emotions. Count The Stars (my band) has brought me out of a depression and silenced dark thoughts in my head, and it all started by listening to an August Burns Red song, I only wish that someday I am half the man you are, you are a true inspiration to me. Thank you for everything you do!

    Sincerely,
    Jake Laughman

    P.S
    below is a picture of my band, I am on the far left holding the bass.

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Jake,
      I want to say thank you for supporting the band and also coming to Heart Support. I hope you can also see that this site is a place to be encouraged and know that you are not alone. I had a big issue with father figures as well and struggled to look up to men who i respected but eventually saw that they weren’t really men at all. .. That is one of the reasons I love God so much. Because He is that respectable, loving, gracious, forgiving, protective, father. One that provides answers to my questions, one that walks beside me and having the Bible to learn more of His wisdom and grace for humanity and life in general and seeing that He died on the cross for me. Shows a father that I’ve never known, but knowing Him has brought me through much of my struggles. So i want to encourage you to build that relationship with a dad who has always loved you and continues to do so. One that you can count on and one that knows best. Thanks for the comment and God Bless you. Keep playing music and don’t give up.

  • Christian Hampton
    Reply

    Hey Jake, I just gotta say thanks for leading me back to God.. I strayed far away, and I was really out of touch and I really let myself forget the power and love he has and gives.. But then I was shown August Burns Red’s music and it made my ears and soul perk up! It made me want to step out and show who I really am a follower of.. You inspired me so much and hearing your music and your story brought me right back to where I need to be.. With God. You reminded me that faith is a huge part of it all.. And that our relationship with God is meant to grow and help guide us.. You reminded me of the purpose of life during our time on earth. Your words give me such an uplifting and strong feeling. If everyone on this earth knew you and decided to listen up, we as Christians would be an unstoppable force, which I truly believe that we already are. In my eyes, your music, even you individually, represents the power, the force, and the overcoming of struggles that we all have in us. And I’m so glad I found you guys .. Overall, you really motivated me to come back home to The Lord, you made me so excited for what he has planned for me.. God is truly my foundation, and all of us are so blessed to have people like you to hold us up.. And let us know that we’re not alone. Thanks so much, and I hope to one day see ABR in concert. I promise I’m a lifetime supporter now! Take care, god bless.

    Sincerely,

    Christian Hampton

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Christian,
      Wow.. thank you for sharing your dedication and appreciation for ABR and myself included. Humbled to hear this and thankful for fans and people like yourself. Continue seeking God and bringing your struggles AND victories to His table. I am far from perfect, but i follow the one who is. Thankful to have Christ in my life and appreciate all of the support I receive, especially from this community and close friends.
      God Bless you and thank you for the kind words.

  • OscarGareskog
    Reply

    This is so great man!! Thank you so much for sharing! God Bless!

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Thanks for reading!

  • Christian Lopez
    Reply

    My name is Christian Lopez and Jake Luhrs…you are absolutely strong. When I watched your video I am living; it brought back memories to my mind and I started crying listen to you speak.he words that came right out of your mouth described how I am. I wasn’t doing coke but I did smoke. I drank a lot. I’ve been through a lot. Death of a loved one, losing my girlfriend that I love so much. I have up all my friends. I have a mother and two brothers and we don’t act like a family. I get abused mentally and verbally. I try to keep in control of what I say and do but when people provoke me it drives me mad and I get frustrated. I don’t play music like you do to get all the frustration and the negative things out of the way. What I do is that I lift really hard and I run long distance while listening to my favorite band…AUGUST BURNS RED! I wrestle in college and I just do that because I am good at it but most of the reason is because It helps me stay sane. Keeps me focused but not all the time. You are the most inspirational person to me. Your words make believe that my god is out there watching over me. I to called god out like you did. Before I watched your I’m alive video I asked god if he was real and to show me. I have no love, no family, no friends, no respect for myself. I wanted to commit suicide and when I said that. I felt an awesome power strike my body.

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Christian,
      Man powerful stuff! I want to encourage you that God does love you, is watching over you and wants to help move you in a place where you can forgive your family, friends and yourself. That you can love them and learn how to be gracious with those around you. It’s easy for me to flip off the handle if I’m feeling attacked. Something I need to work on as well and give to the Lord to help with my bursts of anger or judgement. A lot of things changed in my life when I started to forgive people for the things they had done to me, and forgive myself for the things I had done to others and myself. I want to encourage you to start forgiving those who have hurt you, start loving on your family even if it’s hard to, and to start to see yourself as how God sees you. Blameless, and His son. You are in His family and should start to grow with HIM and take on HIS morals and values.
      We are called to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. If your family or friends are currently your neighbors, well it’s time to start loving them. And learning more about how God loves us, we can better understand how to love ourselves and find our worth. That way we don’t have to use drugs, alcohol, abuse our bodies or find things to help keep us sane. WE can see God and He will keep us sane and show us our worth. Keep trucking my friend. God loves you.
      Thanks for reading the blog and being a fan of the band.
      God Bless,
      Jacob

  • Christian Lopez
    Reply

    Keep up the amazing work. I believe in august Butns Red! I take your music to heart. Your lyrics are powerful. I never once seen you guys and I pray I get to at least one time.

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Thanks for the encouraging words my man! Thanks as well for reading the blog. God Bless

  • Carlos Rodriguez
    Reply

    Jake, that you so much for being a true inspiration to people that struggle in their everyday lives. Your music hits almost every emotional note within me. Up until a few years ago, i wanted nothing to do with anyone in life, i felt as though i was beat down to nothing by people that i thought were close to me, I fell into a depression that ultimately led to me hurting very important people in my life and leading me down a sinful road. Then i heard Composure by August Burns Red for the first time and almost instantly, i felt this need to want to change my life, to look ahead at what i have to live for. I remember going to the store that same night, buying the Messengers album, and listening to that song over and over until it was burned in my memory. At one point, i was down on my knees with tears pouring down my face as the words “You’ve Got Your Whole Life to Lead” ran through my head. At that point, is when i realized that the power to change is within me. Granted, there are still things that i struggle with, but it’s because of God, and with a little help from ABR, that i have become the man that i am today and done a complete 180 degree turn with my life. I am now involved with my church’s worship team, have a beautiful family that i would do anything for, and have great and influential people in my life.

    Thank you so much for everything that you do Jake,
    God Bless

  • Jeremy Boxerman
    Reply

    Jake,

    Super powerful and inspiring article. I’ve read this article a few times now and that 12-step program is really intriguing. I feel as if I could really benefit from it, that by doing this program I can finally let go of my resentment and issues that I’ve been dealing with for as long as I can remember. Fortunately enough, I was able to overcome suicidal thoughts, stopped abusing alcohol/drugs thanks to the power of music and skateboarding, but I still feel as if I definitely need a lot of fixing and healing. I’d really like to give this 12-step program a chance, but to be honest, I’ve never been introduced to Christianity and know very little about it. I know that you were in that same position before having your encounter and I was wondering how you managed to become a follower.

    On a side note, I want to thank you for everything you have done, from ABR to HeartSupport. As cheesy as it might sound, I’ve been admiring you guys for quite some time. After reading what you went through and listened to your story, I felt even more connected. I respect you tremendously for everything that you’re doing with HeartSupport. There’s just too many things in this world that are messed up and it’s really comforting to see someone like yourself and the rest of HeartSupport help out others in need. Hope to see you next time you’re in Montreal!

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Jeremy,
      I know i have an email from you in my inbox, i’ll get to it on monday, sorry about the delay.
      Thanks for reading and the encouraging words. It’s great to hear you’ve overcome suicidal thoughts and drugs, man so good to hear that. So many people don’t overcome those obstacles in their life and it ends up ruining them.
      I found Christ when I was 21 when i wanted to commit suicide and handed my life over to Him. When I did, my spirit was different.
      But i wasn’t raised in the church, my parents weren’t christian i just found Christ i think cause He found me haha it’s crazy how it works. Love to talk to you more about it via email. Would like to know what your questions are and thoughts on Christianity. No judgment here bro!
      God Bless,

      • Jeremy Boxerman
        Reply

        Jake,
        Ha, no need to be sorry, can’t imagine how busy you must be with everything. In that e-mail though, I went more in depth about what I went through. I did make a fool out of myself by writing “Health Support” a few times without realizing it though haha sorry about that. Only noticed after I sent it. And the side note, I’ve also said that in the e-mail, wasn’t sure if it would get to you or not.

        But about Christianity, it’s hard for me to believe in something I can’t see, which is probably the main reason I’ve never really looked into Christianity that much. When I read articles here, I keep seeing how God is good to everyone and I really would love to have faith and believe in Him, but I’m skeptical and doubtful about it all. I can’t say I’ve ever felt Him either. That’s why I was wondering how you became such a passionate follower since, like myself, you weren’t raised in a Christian home or church.

        Anyhow, I’ll definitely send you an e-mail in the near future! Would be stoked to find God eventually. Maybe there really is this God who’s crazy about me and is searching to fill that one need you all feel. God bless,

  • Nick Burrows
    Reply

    Jake,

    I admire you for being open and honest about your struggles……it certainly helps to know that no matter what I might be dealing with, whether I feel alone or not, that I’m not alone.

    I’ll admit that I’ve been dealing with some stuff (some that I’m not proud of at all). I think I’m finally to the point that I’m really realizing that I can’t handle it on my own anymore.

    I won’t go into much detail but I recently had to make a tough decision and leave the church I had been going to for probably 8-9 yrs. Some things happened that I really needed to get away from and I’m glad that I had, not only a way out but I had a way to go somewhere else.

    Things had gotten so bad at that church that I had begun to start being bullied by this one person. I know that others saw it going on but refused to do anything about it and didn’t step in and help resolve the issue. I decided after a little while that I had to get out of there asap. Luckily, I had a way to get out and start going to another church or I don’t know what I would have done!

    I have recently been going to the church that I grew up in because it has a singles group whereas the other church does not. I have found that class to be not only helpful but a major blessing. It truly is where I think God wants me to be at this point in life! I have gained a few really good friends in the class. At first I was scared about going back and not knowing a lot of people and not having a bunch of friends there but I made the choice to go into it with an open mind and just see how things went……well it really seems to fit where I’m at and everything. I’ve gained a lot of support and gotten a lot out of being in that class.

    I want to add that I really appreciate you and the rest of the ABR guys for all the support and help that you all have shown me! It truly means the world to me! I hope someday to be able to tour with you all…….idk what the future holds but that would be insanely awesome!

    God Bless!

    Sincerely,
    Nick Burrows

    • Jacobluhrs
      Reply

      Nick,
      I’m sorry to hear about the church not being a good place for you and letting you be bullied. What we have to remind ourselves is that the church is full of broken sinners like ourselves. So with that being said, we have to see that it isn’t God’s will for the church to abuse, but that because of the broken people leading the church it will mess up at times.. But you found another church which is great to hear!
      I appreciate you reading the blog and the encouraging words.
      God Bless you,

  • Nikita
    Reply

    Hey Jake, I would like to start out by saying that I pretty much heard of Heartsupport about 15 minutes ago in a random interview. I am a huge ABR fan – the lyrics, instrumentation, everything. Your songs have kept me company on long lonely nights when all I could think of was death. Music fuels me, it’s almost as if I can feel it in my veins. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your involvement in ABR as well as Heartsupport.
    I am a Christian, female, and I struggle with a pornography addiction. Through Heartsupport I also came across XXXChurch, which I hope will be a useful tool for me. I’m glad I found this website, for the support, encouragement and insight I can find here. I’m so ridiculously excited to explore this website more and I pray that I will finally have victory over sin.

    Again, thank you for everything you’ve done and keep rocking on!

  • Froggie Russell
    Reply

    Hello Jake! Congradulations for “seeing” God’s light! I’ve been a believer all my life and spend numerous days speaking with our Lord Jesus Christ. There is power within because JC instills it with those who CHOSE to follow him. Although I have not had the addiction to drugs, I still suffer from addiction that I battle everyday of my life…food. Yes we need it to sustain life, but eaten in the context that I am actually killing myself with food, is not what living is! It’s almost like Satan is working diligently to break us from promises we make to ourselves and to our Heavenly Father. I think as long as you keep aligning yourself with following Christ, we succeed! I still struggle, however, I find myself praying a rosary whenever I feel like food is controlling me, instead of me controlling my intake. Once a size 6x and weighing 450#, I am finally down to a 3x at 250# (I am 5’10”). Ok so I never won a Miss America pagent, but I still feel beautiful enough to make the cut for God’s pagent. I just wish folks were not into “skin” and would be more into searching for a person’s soul. The shell is nothing. The soul is where God lives. How could that be bad?

    • Froggie Russell
      Reply

      The song by SIXXam comes to mind: “Skin” that song touches deeply within me. I wish I could tell the song writer his song has healed my perception of myself and how I view everyone else <3

  • Caleb Carrasco
    Reply

    Jake, this was a powerful read. This was something i really needed to pay attention to. For years ive dealt with depression, thinking i was never good enough, even though i am ashamed to say it ive struggled with porn. Your words in every song you have written have really made an impact on me as a person. Im slowly getting better by surrounding myself around peopke that actually want me around and i have a new girlfriend by my side that is there to give me that extra push when,i feel like going back to my old ways. I was never really a believer in christ or veryy religious at all but one day a friend of mine invited me to go with her one day and it changed my life. Im about to turn 22 and when i turned 21 my depression was so bad that i woukd find myself at a bar on pay day and drink my pain away. I would like to thank you for creating HeartSupport, and also thank you for being a huge example that no matter how far you dig down, you can always find your way back up.

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