The awful fight of loneliness

No one wants to have coffee with me.

Let me back up.  My husband and I moved in January to a new house in a suburb between Dallas and Fort Worth, and I’ve been fighting loneliness.  Our families are both hours away and we only know a handful of people in the area.

For a while, I kept myself busy and didn’t think of it. I bought new towels for the house and candles for the living room, and then finally, I had a great big decorated house and not one friend to invite over.

We visited churches, hoping to meet a nice, young couple that maybe likes the Texas Rangers or has a dog that can have playdates with our dog. We’ve tried to get involved in what feels like a myriad of ways, but honestly, I’m failing at finding friends.

And that’s how we get to the fact that no one wants to have coffee with me or rather, I don’t know anyone to have coffee with.

I have to clarify that I love the companionship of my husband, but I’ve been craving female friendships.

Because girls like girl talk.

A few weeks ago, my best friend from college flew in to visit for a few days and we spent two days drinking lots of coffee and Dr Pepper and laughing and talking and shopping.  She asks me hard questions and knows when I’m lying, and I’m so thankful for that kind of friendship.

And so maybe I’m chasing friendships just so I can get rid of this awful feeling of loneliness, just so I can feel better. Maybe instead, I should be praying for the rare friendships that are full of grace.

I’m 26 now, and making friends isn’t like it was in school. You don’t have to feel sorry for me – because I’m not looking for just any friend. I’ve been in selfish friendships. I’ve been the selfish friend. I’ve been let down and surprised and loved and hated by friends.

I’m looking for the rarest of friendships, the ones blessed by God, and I’m OK if that takes some time.

Maybe you know the wrecked feeling of loneliness too. Maybe you just want it to go away, but don’t give up on it. That feeling is letting you know that you are valuable and meant to be loved and connected.

I wish I could tell you that I’ve made a handful of new friends. I wish I could end this blog post by telling you I’ve found a new band of friends who are tagging me on Instagram and Facebook, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

So I’m praying for my future friendships, that they are filled with grace and goodness and yes, coffee.

 

  • Rebekah Mayer

    Thank you for your story, Amanda!

    I am in a similar place. When I moved out of my parents’ home two years ago, a lot of what I struggled with was the loneliness of my apartment and, because of tight schedules, how little I saw the few friends I had. So many times I pined for my high school days when I had more friends and more hangouts. I have good friends, but I wasn’t seeing them often enough to satisfy the craving for connection I have.

    It was in the midst of this that I met my friend Anna. We just randomly met in church one day, and I honestly believe she is a Godsend. She even told me later that, on the day we met, she wasn’t sure why but she just felt she should turn to me and introduce herself. Anna has since become a dear friend with whom I can talk about the deeper things that matter. We help encourage and challenge each other in our relationships with God and others. She is such a giant blessing in my life, and I love her to death.

    Of course, I still get lonely: I am still a broken human. But when I reflect on the good and dear friends God has brought into my life I cannot help but feel beloved and utterly grateful for the knowledge that God loves me and cares about how I feel.

    God loves to bless those whom he loves. He will give you the good gifts that you need when he knows you need them. Keep faith! 🙂

  • JMeltzAway

    Loved reading this! I am a student at TAMU A Whoop! and I often worry about “growing up” and losing my friends. Thank you for writing this, I’m sure I be looking back to it after graduation for sure.

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