Repurpose Your Porn

“Why don’t you just go and have some sex?”

I’m staring slack-jawed at my mother and the words that have just left her mouth. My mom is a reserved woman. She’s petite, gentle, and very religious. When I grew up, she would say Hail Mary’s daily and spend many days and nights in Catholic mass. I almost passed out the first time I heard her curse.

Her words kept looping through my head as the scene replayed ten times like the blooper reel at the end of a movie. I felt a laugh bubble up in my throat as I watched my mom say it over and over again:

“Why don’t you just go and have some sex?”

“Why don’t you just go and have some sex?”

“Why don’t you just go and have some sex?”

 

Moments earlier, I was sitting in front of my parents scared half-to-death. My cheeks were boiling with embarrassment, and any sense of self-confidence had long-since evaporated. I almost choked on the words as they came tumbling out:

“I’m struggling with porn.”

And my mom, this tiny, little saint-of-a-woman, told me to get laid.

So if you’re struggling today, that’s my advice to you. Have boat loads of sex.

Just kidding.

 

While this moment was a couple of years ago now, I realized recently that we get a bunch of useless advice from all sorts of different people who don’t understand our struggles:

  • People from churches tell you to pray, pray, pray till your temptation goes away.
  • People who’ve never wrestled with addiction treat you like you’re on fire: stop being stupid, drop the porn, and roll on with your life.
  • And people who have no clue like my mom tell you to go on sex rampage.

What these people don’t understand is that porn actually serves a purpose in your life. Albeit an unhealthy one, the truth is, you look at porn for a reason. You’re not some idiot ruining your life because your favorite sport is self-destruction.

Every time you use porn, your body is asking for something. You feel some kind of emotion, and your body has some kind of need underneath that emotion that begs to be filled. And you’ve learned over time to use porn to fill those needs. It makes total sense, and you’re not alone in thinking this way.

The problem with this solution is that while it alleviates the immediate need, it screws up tons of other things that matter more–relationships with people, the way you feel about yourself, your thought life, the way you view sex, the way you objectify others, your closeness with God, etc.

The good news is: you can fill that need in another way. To do this, you have to understand your emotional trigger and the need your body has, and then find another, healthier way to fill it.

Here are some examples from my life:

 

  1. When I feel overwhelmed, my body needs escape. And I can get that escape when I get out of my world and into someone else’s. Wrapping my mind in a book with epic adventures and tall tales helps fill that need for me.
  2. When I feel stressed, my body needs release. And I can let that out in healthier ways like playing drums or working out.
  3. When I feel bored, my body needs entertainment or purpose. I can fill this need in many ways, and honestly, most of it starts with just getting out of the house and doing something.
  4. When I feel exhausted, my body needs rest. The easy solution is to just freakin’ go to sleep. Take a nap or conk out for the night. Even if you have a lot to do, sleeping is ay more productive than looking at porn.

 

So notice what your body needs and fill it! God gave you those desires and wired you with those needs. You don’t have to white knuckle and bear through life empty and pleasureless. God gave you the duty to fulfill the desires He gave you!…In the right way.

You know, a lot of people say, it’s just natural that we do this–sex, porn, masturbation, lust, etc.–and we shouldn’t fight it! And to an extent, I agree. I agree that it’s natural for our bodies to have desires to let off steam, to get outside of yourself, to do something fun or meaningful, to get rest. And we definitely shouldn’t fight that. We just need to find better ways to fill it.

Take some time and discover the purposes porn serves in your life. What triggers you? What does your body need in those moments? How can you fill them with other, healthier things?

Showing 5 comments
  • Caleb
    Reply

    Such wisdom! How do you figure out your triggers?

    • Nate Hilpert
      Reply

      Think about the last time you failed and start asking yourself questions!
      Why did I choose to look at porn here?
      What did I feel leading up to that moment?
      What happened?
      What did my body need?
      What purpose did porn serve for me?

  • Geert
    Reply

    I’ve struggled with porn addiction for 7 years now, and I’ve never read anything like this before man. You hit the nail right on the friggin head. Thank you so much.
    God bless you.

  • anew
    Reply

    I find Ive known my triggers for quite a while. Yes to a degree stress and bored can push me towards porn, but the biggest trigger by and large is loneliness. Despite constantly throwing myself out there and trying to meet people loneliness is still an issues, especially right now over the holiday break because I’m in college and only a few people are still in town (not that I had many friends to begin with). But to a degree its not even male companionship I seek, I have a little bit of that, but I DO like my alone time, what I seek is a good godly christian woman in my life, who is on fire for god but still fits well with me ( like many here, I’m a metalhead, though I don’t look like it, and I simply find in most churches I don’t fit in and have NOTHING in common with the most of them, its not that they are bad or thier hobbies are, just that we literally have NOTHING outside church in common). So, I constantly find myself in this place because I SUCK when it comes to dating, Ive only ever been on 2 dates in the 21 years of my life and that recently ran into the ground with that girl. She is the only one Ive ever kissed as well. So its pretty obvious, I have something I need to work on, but its easier said and done. Its easy to say “I’m lonely, thats a trigger, I need to meet women and get in a relationship” its a complete other thing to actually DO it.

    • jordan
      Reply

      i dont know if it helps but I’m 27 and you and i are quite alike. I have a good amount of “friends.” No one to really confide in though. I love the Lord and yet i cant get involved at church for some reason… its like the people there want nothing to do with me and even when i try to get involved theres no place for me. I want a good christian woman too, but until she comes into my life, I’m working on me. I have so many flaws and problems that Christ needs me to work out on my own i suppose.

      As far as the triggers, I guess we just have to recognize and neutralize them. Have you ever been lost in thought and someone startles you out of it? That feeling of waking up? I think we need that when it comes to porn. Something to pop the bubble we enter. Like, I’m feeling lonely, I have to take precautions immediately. Get outside. It hurts, but get up anyway. Im feeling bored, go to the library or the gym or starbucks.. anywhere… someplace public. Its so simpleminded and impractical but its all i can come up with… Im trying as hard as i can to fight this thing too..

      My main thing is frustration. I get upset when things arent going my way and i cant unwind, thats when i get hit the hardest. I guess i need to go to the gym or get more sleep and eat better. That a lot of change tho.. forgive me if I’m going on and on. This is just my issue as well.

      Ill be praying for you bro. Dont give up.

Leave a Comment

 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.