Why are you doing this? Out of emotion? Because of something in the past? Because you don’t like your present state? What makes you want to do this?
When we are covered in anger, or resentment… when we start to feel lonely in life or beat down, we tend to go to things to “brighten” up our spirit. Or we act out of our emotions… maybe that’s hitting someone in a fight, or getting “wasted” or even self-harm because of something someone said or has done to you.
This is reacting, not responding. We like to react to the problems in our lives because it’s easier to do so, but also because we let our emotions get the best of us.
If we were to really sit back and look at what it is that is making us feel a certain way and make the conscious decision as to NOT let that feeling take control of us then we can resolve the problem without turning to things or actions that will later down the road harm us.
Lets say you just got in a fight with your girlfriend because you went out to a party and made a fool of yourself. You acted out inappropriately, and she had to hear about it from one of your friends. You are not only angry at your friend, but also angry at her and also with yourself for doing such inappropriate things.
You talk to her on the phone and have a blow out!
So you decide to go to a buddy’s house and blow off some steam.
The friend’s house you went to is a guy who doesn’t really think highly of your girlfriend and starts to bash her and down play her and making you look like the good guy in the story.
So you get back from your buddy’s house and sit in your thoughts.. you end up going home after all of this chaos and trash talking, full of anger and emotions, and you end up sitting at home by yourself. This is where things can get troublesome.
You can fill in the blank from there.. when we are hurting and alone, we often times end up doing things based out of the anger or emotion we are feeling. That could be ANYTHING: drinking, cutting, self-deprecating, continuously calling a friend and playing the victim card as how broken and hurt you are (Self-pity). You are reacting based off emotion.
Now if you were to step back and take a moment really evaluate the situation, you could recognize your own faults. You could evaluate how you can make amends and/or correct the behavior that started all of this. You wouldn’t stand for your buddy talking smack on your relationship. You’d apologize to your girlfriend and own up to your mistakes, and you wouldn’t have the feeling of failure or the anger of trying to point the blame at everyone or anything else when it was you who caused the issue at hand. You also wouldn’t rely on a “pick me up”.
I struggle with this … it’s why I’m writing it. I want to be stronger in making decisions based on a clear mind and a sober one at that. One where I’m not looking for a way out or an excuse. One where I’m not pointing the finger at everyone else when I’m the one to blame. Not to be the pitty party, or searching for the sympathy of others while playing the victim card. And I don’t want to reach for a “pick me up” when I’m hurting. I want to have the strength to confess when I’m wrong and to stop thinking I’m always the one who is getting hurt, when sure enough I’m the one who is hurting others.
When we base our actions off our emotions, we tend to do things that are harmful to ourselves and others. It’s a classic story of someone who gets hurt and goes out and hurts someone else. But if we can focus on taking a breath, pulling back from the situation, analyzing where we were wrong or where we were wronged and think or pray on a healthy response to the problem, it excludes any sin or harm we can do to others.
Because we are based out of love. The center focus of humans is to love and be loved. We want and desire to be loved. When we are hurting, the way we scream that we want to be loved is by trying to instill something to bring us back from that hurt and go to a place where we felt loved.
Ever meet an addict? I will say that addiction has a lot to do with love. Anyone who is depressed? What about someone who cuts themselves? I would say 99% of the time that person needs more love. They can’t clear their minds of what hurt has happened, what someone said about them, or maybe what they have done. They can’t see that they are good. That they are loved and that they are worthy of love. That instead of reacting on the drug, blade, porn, (pick me up) that they need recognize how great they are, and how loved they are. Too often we let others tells us who we are rather than checking in our hearts where our true identity lies.
And if we really had a clear mind in the midst of the current struggle or battle, we would see that we aren’t loving ourselves by getting “wasted” or cutting into our arm, or sleeping around with men or women one after another.
These things are all reactions based off of past or present hurt. We have to think clearly and see that we’re better than the “pick me ups” and that if we handle the situation with a sober and clear mind we can resolve the situation in a healthy way.
You are loved no matter what is going on in your life right now, whatever trial it is. You can make it through without the “pick me ups” that will inevitably bring you to a dead end.
For me my hope is in God’s love. One that has never left me and one that continuously fills me. But that’s for another day.