Pick and Choose: The Ones You Love, And The Ones You Judge

Way too often do we pour out filth from our mouths based on our perception of others.

“Look at that guy, look at the stupid clothes he’s wearing”.
“Eww, that girl looks so slutty”
“Why in the world would you believe in that?”
“That person looks anorexic”
“Why would she date that dude, he’s an idiot”

And the list goes on… But who are we to judge and belittle these people? What makes us so great? Is it our own accomplishments that we hold onto that are so precious to us? That we identify ourselves with what we have and then look down on others who don’t?

What makes us so much better? Because we have nicer clothing than the guy across the table? Maybe he wasn’t blessed with financial stability like you and I were and can just go out and get whatever he wants.

Or maybe making fun of the girl who “looks” anorexic when she REALLY IS because of the way her father speaks about her when she is home. Or how about the guy you call an idiot that actually has difficulty understanding what others are saying to him, and it’s been something he has been self-conscious about since he was a kid.

The problem is we base our judgment on very little information. We know nothing.
In reality, we know NOTHING about  the people we judge. We don’t know what’s churning in their heart. It doesn’t even matter if it’s a close friend or family member. We have no clue as to what they have gone through or what they are currently thinking about.

It’s sad that parents seem clueless to their child’s pain and suffering, yet I’m quite sure when they go to school they feel the wrath of everyone’s judgment because of the way they “act” or what they “say”. Then the kid goes home and brings a blade from the kitchen into his room just so he can “feel”. Even more tragic is when a young adult commits suicideand what you hear in the news from the parents is that “I didn’t know he was struggling like that”.

Where do we get off judging people? I hate it, I hate that I do it! It’s unreal, especially when I was on the receiving end myself!

When kids would call me names or say hurtful things to degrade me in front of crowds or groups at school, then I sit here and bash someone for something trivial and I have no clue what I’m talking about. None whatsoever… but I guarantee if we sat down with the girl who “looks” anorexic and actually got to know the internals of her life, we’d not only shut our mouth, but we’d probably be moved to help in some way. This is part of why we have HeartSupport to help those that have no one to listen, but so many of us are quick to trash talk, and not slow down enough to analyze the destruction we’re reaping on others.

I often think about those that are homeless. We walk by them as if they are rats in the street, or we get fed up with them asking for money cause we all KNOW that they are just going to spend it on alcohol or drugs, so now we start to classify people and put them in little compartments in our brains. They are so clear as to what they are  in our eyes, what they are good for, and how to act towards them. Instead of seeing them as human beings with feelings, a hurting heart, a breathing being with a soul, we see homeless as rats on the streets. We don’t look at them, we don’t speak to them, we don’t help them, and we don’t care for them. If we’re honest, we view them as less than human.

We do the same thing at school, at church, at concerts, even with our family members. We think “she’s got a problem” or “I’m not hanging out with the likes of her” or “Let’s watch out for our wallets cause he struggles with drugs”.

Why don’t we HELP, why don’t we really think of these people and their situations. I’m one of the most judgmental people I know; I’ll just start hating on people, and it can be anyone. I’m sarcastic, I’m crude and I can make a joke out of anyone’s expense. But what does that say about me? It tells you that I can be an ass……that I don’t seem to care much for people as I say or you think.  What does it say about me if I’m judging people at the drop of a hat like this about how must I really view and judge myself?

Probably pretty harshly. And more to the point, I struggle quite often with the full concept of God’s grace since I’m busy analyzing what a failure I am and how I judge others.

But what are we called to do? We aren’t called to judge for sure.

Romans 14:4 says

“Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls”.

As nothing more than a man who follows God, we aren’t called to judge anyone no matter what God or deity they follow, even if it’s themselves. We are not to point out their flaws in laughter, for if we do…..we are just a brood of vipers. Just snapping at others who may not be as well off. Before we begin to run our mouths against others for our own pleasure or for a cheap laugh, remember this: It’s filthy, it’s not worthy of God, it isn’t worthy of a respectable man or woman, and it makes us look cheap.

Instead, let’s focus on beginning to understand those around us and friend them. Because when we understand them we’ll know how to love them. And when you love them, you’ll understand their pain. And when you understand their pain, you’ll begin to have compassion.

Let’s be compassionate people, family.

Showing 11 comments
  • Trent

    I really love this. I feel like God is working in me to transform my heart to be as loving as I can ever be. He’s taught me how to love, and even though acting out the love for others that He has for us may seem impractical or even foolish for some, I still feel compelled that way. I’m just a work in progress, and I just want to love and be loved. Thanks for all that you guys do hear at HeartSupport. I love you guys, and you guys love me. God Bless

    • Jacobluhrs

      Great to hear you letting God’s love work in you and through you. I find it that most of the time when I’m judging someone or saying something disrespectful, it can really mirror something that might be going on in my life or something i see poorly inwardly.
      Either way keep recognizing the goodness of God and work towards living and acting out His moral code.
      Thanks for reading!

  • Jeremy Boxerman

    Ha, I can relate to this on so many levels. Being a skateboarder for the majority of my life, I’ve often been judged as a punk, degenerate delinquent trying to cause havoc just because people generally associate skateboarders with some of the worst stereotypes. They don’t see that I’m just some other dude enjoying the freedom and creativity that skateboarding provides me. The sport in itself is just an amazing outlet for anything going on in my life and people tend to give me dirty looks for it.

    On the other side, I’ve always tried my very best not to “judge a book by its cover”. It did and does happen from time to time that I judge a little too quickly, and I hate it when I do, but having been on the receiving end for so long, I try to avoid it. Treat others as you’d like to be treated. Plus, there’s so many reasons why people are who they are and I feel that it’s not up to me to judge someone if I don’t know them at all.

    • Nate Hilpert

      That sucks you’ve been judged all your life because you have a cool hobby : What can you do to understand and love people better instead of judging them?

      • Jeremy Boxerman

        I try to avoid judging others as much as possible. But I believe that what can be done to understand and love people better is to just go beyond the physical appearance of someone/others and try to get to know them. Everyone has a story worth sharing and I don’t think were in a position to judge others as we all have our issues/beliefs/insecurities/etc.

        This reminds me of ABR’s Foreign & Familiar DVD when Jake is in the subway/metro and people look at him and associate him to “skinheads” just because of his tattoos. These associations/stereotypes suck and people tend to use physical appearance as a dominant factor when judging and I don’t feel that is right.

        • Nate Hilpert

          I love that…”everyone has a story worth sharing”…
          and I 100% agree…regardless of what they look like, get to know them to understand and love them better because their story is worth hearing.

          That’s freaking rad dude. Thanks for sharing your insight!

          • Jeremy Boxerman

            Haha, yeah! I’ve heard that a while ago, and I believe in it 100% as well. Thanks for replying too Nate, really appreciate it!

          • Nate Hilpert

            Absolutely dude! I appreciate you being involved and being a part of HeartSupport. You are why we do this!

  • Joel Rogers

    The thing that angers me the most is I find myself judging people for the dumbest things. I abesolutely hate It and I feel like a prick. I can say I’m getting better but I still have a long way to go. The song Treatment by ABR is great on this topic.

    • Jacobluhrs

      we all struggle with that.. i do it as well and i catch myself.. like “dude, what makes you so much better?” haha just keep at it and keep yourself accountable and try to stop yourself in the midst of it.. maybe even apologize to the person when you do ha that would be crazy. Like go up to them and say, man i just thought of a judgmental thing about you in my mind and i want to apologize to you because that isn’t right. what a statement that would make!

      • ScottFollowtheMaster

        “Like go up to them and say, man i just thought of a judgmental thing about you in my mind and i want to apologize to you because that isn’t right. what a statement that would make!” That has to be the most epic idea I ever heard! Only prob though is if someone said that to me I would be happy that they brought it up, but I also might be very curious as to what they judged me on haha

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