My dream is dying

I’m supposed to be writing a book. Usually, the next question people ask me after I’ve told them that is “What’s it about?” But I’m not stuck there.

I’m stuck at the cursor.

Every time I sit down to write, I remember that I’m not a good writer. I remember that I’ve been rejected before. I remember that 40,000 words is a lofty goal.

So I walk away.

Because it’s easier for me to not try than it is for me to face my fear of failure. Every word feels wrong on the page because I know I’m not good enough. There’s someone better than me out there that can write it stronger. Not me.

I haven’t written in weeks because of all this. I’ve organized our pantry instead. I’ve wiped down the baseboards. I’ve gone to Target. I’ve cleaned the fireplace. Besides having a very clean house, I’ve done everything except write.

I didn’t even want to write this post because I’d be letting everyone know that I’m struggling with writing my book. Me. The writer. The wordsmith. Struggling. Or worse, that writing a book is way beyond me.

“Why is she writing a book? About what could she write about?” they’d ask.

I’ve let my dream die because I’ve refused to chase it. That’s right. My dream is dying.

So I’m fighting for it again. I’m hustling again. I’m reading and researching and writing again. And yes, it’s slow work. I’m finding my voice on the page again because for so long, it’s just sounded like what I thought it should be. It isn’t easy. Some days I’m still facing that fear of failure, but I’m not stopping.
I’ve been blessed with an idea and a passion for the written word, and I’m not letting that go. God loves my dreams because he made them just for me— no matter how crazy it seems.

Maybe you have a dream too and maybe it means you’ll have to face a nightmare too. Maybe you’re stuck in a place where all you can hear is that you’re not good enough.

God loves your dreams too. God didn’t give us dreams so we could let them die, so whatever it is that you’re dreaming today, fight for it.

Showing 4 comments
  • Nathan Mendyk

    thats a good thought to put in my head

  • Cheng

    thank you

  • jameson

    This is so good! I went through a huge bout of writer’s block over the last few months and I had to just put it aside and read nonstop. Usually when I read a lot, I tend to get discouraged with the book itself because I want to set it down and write myself! But I had to just read and read and read and now I can’t stop the ideas from flowing:)

  • Dave King

    Hi Amanda, Dave King from iMatter here. I was with Jake last night in Rochester, NY and we discussed this very thing…both of us writing books. I’ve been working on mine for a couple of years now and here is what I’ve learned. As He (God)has asked me to write the book and given me the topic, I simple need trust Him to actually be the author and listen. Not in a doctrinal standpoint but through His revelation and transplanted wisdom. I’m learning that I can only write from my abundance…meaning….as I present myself fully before Him (Romans 12?), He is always faithful to fill me up with His spirit and revelation. Although sometimes it takes a bit of time to translate into text, when I’m full of Him and living in the abundance of His love and daily residing in the throne room, the words just flow. What’s the topic of the book? Ok I I pray for you?
    PS…love what you all are doing and thank you so much.
    In HIm,
    Dave King, executive director of iMatter

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