As I was finishing writing my first blog for honesty I was watching a tv show about moms and brides and became a bit emotional. I saw examples of mother and daughter love and communication. The trust of opinions and of decisions. Something I had lost because of the dishonesty of my mother.
My mom was my everything growing up. Maybe I didn’t prove it enough or I caused a fuse to go loose. Perhaps the reason walked through my door 6 years ago.
When I was seven my parents went through a painful divorce. I remember the day my dad left the house. My mind trying to hold on to the thought of the new normal I clung to mom for support.
Everything went well after that. We bought a new two story house in a decent neighborhood. She worked a normal job and made enough for me and my two younger siblings with minimal discomfort. I thought we were doing so well! Soon she even started dating. Then bringing them home.
I have always had good discernment. One look at one of her new guys and I could tell they were up to nothing she needed. Never did I hide my feelings about the matter either. My mom would be critical with me and always say, ” You just don’t want me to be happy.” What a stab to the heart. If anyone deserved to be happy it was her.
Well, she finally brought around a new problem. He stood at the door awaiting to meet her children. I walked halfway down the stairs and took one look at him. “I don’t like him.” I bluntly stated and up to my room I went. I could hear my mother trying to tell me I was being rude and that I didn’t give him a chance. Not that my opinion truly mattered.
He was an alcoholic. A drug user. A thief. And he took my mom down with him. They began to steal and pawn anything they could. Including my grandfathers things while he was on his death bed. I couldn’t believe it. Where did the self respecting mother I knew go?
When I confronted her about the missing items from my room and my grandfathers, she would say she didn’t know. We knew. A few times my grandmother would get so upset she would threaten to call the police. Of course my mother would find the missing things before that happened. Sometimes.
I watched our family get torn apart. My mother sold our new car for a crummy one and the house we owned to move in with my grandmother. She lost her job. The security we knew disappeared with every lie she told.
One day I came to my grandmothers house and found that my mom left to stay with her manipulator and didn’t call us or anything.
A couple months later she shows up and is super thin. Drugs. Riding a bicycle was her reasoning. I’m so sure that’s all it was. Whatever. She sat on my bed with me and told me that she was pregnant. I acted surprised and happy. She wasn’t back to be with us finally. She was only here because her boyfriend was in jail and she was going to have his kid. Awesome.
She bailed him out eventually. She hugged and kissed him. He acted like he didn’t care. I was so pissed off. She just spent a lot of money on your sorry butt and the first thing you do is make her take you to the corner store to buy snuff and beer?! Unbelievable. Or was it?
My little sister was born while I was away with friends. I was gone most of the time but always came home to sleep.
One night at home I awoke to the sound of someone banging on the front door down stairs. Terrified, I jumped out of bed and stood at the stairway. My mothers puppetear went down to answer it. The police. My heart lightened and sunk again. They asked for my mom. She went downstairs and they handcuffed her and her boyfriend. She cried and so did I. She told me to watch the baby. I told her I loved her. Both of them left cuffed and in a police car. What the hell happened?
Two police men stayed with me while my grandma was on her way to get my sister and I. She was only a couple months old. As I sat in tears next to the sleeping baby one officer asked if I knew my mom had a warrant out (for forgery). Unaware but not surprised I shook my head.
A long night of deciding not to trust her again and thinking of just leaving followed. My emotions over everything that happened over the past years weighed me down. Luckily my friends distracted me from the pain in my continuously ripped out heart. I became numb to my mother and her problems.
My mother built a new life of lies around one man. He tried to get her thrown in jail (and succeeded), abused her, did drugs with her and she went back. Every time.
This all and more made me lose trust in everyone. When I stood up for them (not very often) they would prove me wrong. I was a mess.
She stayed with the man I told her I didn’t like from the start. As a result she became a new person. A felon, a liar, and a victim.
After three years of not speaking to her more than twice a month I forgave her and the boyfriend. It wasn’t easy at all. It took a lot of faith and prayer to trust her and others again (not to mention discernment).
I always loved her even though it proved to be a trial. My mom may not have been honest to me but I was always with her.
It’s how we take the honesty or lack there of that shapes our character and our future. I will be honest because I hate the feeling of someone being dishonest towards me. The effects can be life changing.




Showing 3 comments
  • Tom McCarthy

    Hey Annalisa,

    That was one of the most real articles i’ve ever read. To accurately catalog the insanity of addiction and its repercussions is incredibly difficult. The way we cope is by searching for rationality when there is none, and this is a mistake I have been guilty of myself. when someone is unwilling to be honest with themselves and the dignity of their person, everyone around them is affected. when we try and make sense of it, we loose sleep for days. The solution is always knowing that you are truly loved and worthy in God’s eyes. True beauty and life lies in you heart, and no one can take that away with Christ in your life. Addressing the problem is choosing life over death, and you will find peace because of it. Godbless.


    • Annalisa

      You’re right. If it wasn’t for God and how He helped me mend my heart I would still not be talking to my mother.

      • Peter Howard

        I am deeply moved reading about the details of your relationship with your mother disolving and am very pleased with the maturity shown in your willingness to forgive and move forward in rebuilding that relationship. I truely hope that you have much greater success than I in keeping family ties strong.

        I am saddened that any of my choices have had any impact in making the lives or you and your siblings more difficult and wish that any blame that may be attributed to me also be forgiven.

        Do remember, beloved daughter, that it is all of our past that has shaped and moulded us into the people we are today. Rejoice in the joys of life whil striving to learn from the trials and tribulations.

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