Closing the Cover to my Own Coffin

Do we really want to get well?

Do you really want to overcome an addiction?

Isn’t it so much easier to live with it than to spend all this time fighting it?

The way I hear it played out by so many is that “your addiction doesn’t really ‘hurt’ anyone” and besides! It’s a lifestyle choice and your decision so no one has the right to tell you differently. Don’t forget how busy and stressful your life is also, so your little addiction is much needed relief from the burdens of day-to-day life, right?

And when you think like that can you truly be sorry for what others see as addiction and you see as relief? And let’s be honest, once you’re committed to something you find as an escape are you genuinely concerned with making a change? Or hasn’t it become more of who you are?  It’s where your thoughts dwell and even begins to take refuge in your heart. It’s your vice, your safety net…..your secret little comfort spot.

So why change it?

The hard truth is that is just might lead to your own destruction.

Your addiction will inevitably find it’s way to the top of your empire – everything you hold dear and close and have worked hard to attain – and either demolish it, or keep it from growing. Stagnating like a pool of water with mosquitos humming over it.

Your addiction will hold you back from your dreams, plans, goals and aspirations of how you imagine your life can turn out only to realize that you’ve been wandering blind in a forest full of bears with raw meat hanging around your neck.

It will tear at your relationships with family, friends and significant other bit by bit until you’re lucky enough to even have one.

It can leave you waking up in a hospital bed. It’ll eat away at what morals or values you might have left. It’ll corrupt your ambitions and eat away at your self-worth.

This little “vice” will not lead you into more joy, contentment, or fulfillment. In reality the odds are good that it could very well lead you down a path of depression, loneliness, resentment and self-hate.

Look around objectively. When was that last time you saw a content, productive, and happy alcoholic? How about his family members?

Do you see drug dealers full of joy and success? Or do they spend most of their lives hiding in the shadows?

What about porn addicts? No one ever starts out looking at child pornography, but eventually it takes it toll. How many wives go to bed lonely while their husband is obsessed with thousands of different women in pixel resolution when a perfectly good one is waiting in the other room?

We can easily go down the list, right? Heroin even. I knew and addict and she hated her life. She ended up miserable instead of content and her vice kept her at a standstill for years.

Our addictions will always tell us that it’s “just what we need” and that “we deserve it and will make us happy”. But in all honesty it’s trying to force us into a small box where the only thing we truly have that brings us joy is no longer friends, family, or even life, but simply our addiction.

So when you think to yourself… “Eh… it’s not that bad… little vice isn’t a big deal…’s not hurting anyone.” Remember that whatever’s in control of your thoughts is really taking control of your actions and directing your life in a certain path that could very well leave a wake of destruction and harm numerous people all the while putting your dreams, life and desires in a coffin.

And this isn’t me pointing a finger.
This is me pointing at myself.
I have my own addictions and vices I struggle with and each time I give in?

Well, I climb back into that coffin and slowly begin to close the lid myself.



Showing 12 comments
  • gobebago

    This is a wonderful blog you wrote.

    I am 23, almost 24. I met my very best friend when I was 4. First she was smoking weed all the time. She even got me started for a few years when we were about 13..14… I stopped. She didn’t. She was a little bit older than me and always looked out for me. She told me not to do this, not to do that, this is bad for me because, that will just hurt me if I do it. She, on the other hand, tried a few different drugs. Eventually, she met this guy, who was a drug dealer, through a girl she thought was her friend. Neither myself nor did most of her other true friends actually like this girl because she was always bad news. This man got my best friend so wrapped up in his world and the drugs he provided. She became distant from her friends and family. She lost weight. She was gone. A month after the last time I spoke with her just after my birthday, which she missed for the first time since we became friends because of her then fiancé, she was found dead. Her fiancé shot her in the head and killed her just before her 21st birthday. If only she was a little bit stronger. If only she knew that she could trust her friends and have faith that we would keep her safe. If only she saw from our eyes the web she was ensnared in, she would be here today. Her addiction broke the hearts of a lot of good people that I am close to. And as you said Jake, this was her closing the lid on her coffin. It is the hardest thing to have to live with. Addiction within myself to certain things is a difficult thing to deal with daily, but watching it in the people I love with all my heart is just tortuous. We all just have to have the faith that everything can and will be better, that the sun is shining somewhere and if we look hard enough and reach far enough, we can get to it.

    • Your Friend

      I’m so sorry to hear that story man. To lose a friend in such a tragic way is awful. My best friends’ father commuted suicide almost a year ago and I haven’t seen my friends since. The impact it must have on them has always made me sad. However, I know that if we have faith in God, all things will work together for good. The world draws up its lines and as a result, tragedies occur; only with Jesus can life here and in heaven be truly Good or satisfying.
      Keep living ;p

      • observer

        suicide is always sad. But does Church speaks openly about it ? In my quite long experience-no.

        My role model(and one of the person who encouraged and helped me to fight my addiction) killed himself. So it was quite painful and teary for me to understand.. Definitely i know what you feel man.

        Love from Jesus will heal all the wounds.

        Carry on!

  • observer

    thank you. Rarely i see posts like that.

    I started serious fight myself days ago and looking for a accountability partner currently.

    It is quite ironic how many people are being held down by different emotional burdens or addictions, specially in the church circles.

    We should be full of peace, power and love.

    We need real honesty and love in our communities !

  • Cheng

    thank you for this message

  • Tianna

    This is exactly what I needed to read.
    I have an eating disorder & I so often find myself asking why I should recover & whether or not it is truly worth the effort. But it’s taken away my life. I don’t truly enjoy anything anymore. Most of my thoughts are about my eating disorder, food, or my appearance; and if they aren’t then it is something that could be improved upon if I chose recovery.
    Thanks so much for this.

    • LetsBeRealForOnce

      Don’t know who u are, but ill throw up a prayer for you. stay encouraged. God is our help.

  • Tony

    Thanks so much for your message, Jake. It’s so easy to think that our addictions are harmless and private, but eventually they do spill out into our lives and consume until nothing is left. Praise God for people like you who aren’t afraid to approach such hard topics. super legit.

  • Iz

    amazing stuff my brotha!

  • LetsBeRealForOnce

    Jake, first off, I want to thank God for someone like you, who I feel I can relate to even tho I haven’t ever met you. we need more real and humbled Christians like urselfin a body of Christ where “the spiritually-fit” is simply unrelatable to some of us (who do have a heart for God). I feel like when I would go in church, people aren’t living in the real world. why do I say this? Cause not all of us always seems happy, collected and super faithful toward God every passing week. thank you for starting HeartSupport and giving a place where believers and even non-believers can come in a community of understanding, with Christ as its backbone. I’m in need of dudes like yourself, who don’t come off like a great theologian, but simply a dude saved by God’s grace and knows his weaknesses. where’s this kind of approach within Christians these days? I feel like there were certain types of people back in the day like the “Ephesians”, the “Romans” etc, there’s us, who grew up within a music/metal background and we’re just …well you know. its justhard to relate to people when they arent like u and ur misunderstood. if you read this, thanks…for a place where “the misfits” can be encouraged and embraced…with God leading the way.

  • fdsgg

    I’ve been addicted to Prescription pain killers for years, and I’ve been struggling off and on. This last time I’ve been sober for about a month. It is basically eating my soul alive everytime I do it. Luckily I have a wife who has stuck with me through all the lies, and the stealing from my family. I don’t deserve her at all. Really need some prayers guys.

  • Katie

    I am a heroin addict, and this sounds exactly like the conversations I have with myself. I am fighting the fight now as we speak to not give in to that little voice. Plz pray for me.

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