xexitsongxJanuary 8, 2017 at 10:06 pm #30018
Plz deleteJohn WillifordJanuary 9, 2017 at 8:10 am #30024
Thanks for having the courage to post here! It may seems like you’re alone, or that things you’re doing are weird and whatnot, but I want to assure you that they’re not. I remember being in a similar place when I was in high school- I didn’t want to go out and drink all the time, but because that was what most everyone did, I was super lonely. Eventually I caved, and sacrificed who I was so that I could have some friends to hang out with.
May I ask how old you are? I think I have something that might encourage you 🙂xexitsongxJanuary 9, 2017 at 8:38 am #30025
…..John WillifordJanuary 9, 2017 at 8:46 am #30026
Word- I’m 29 myself!
Well, I’d probably ask where you live and what kind of people you hang out with- I don’t want to get super detailed because I want to respect your anonymity, but I could recommend more things based on what you do and where you spend your time. At our late 20s we’re way more free from that “you have to drink to be cool” mentality that may have plagued us in high school/college, so I think there are a bunch of people out there ready to hang with ya! We just have to find them. I think that you can.xexitsongxJanuary 9, 2017 at 10:29 am #30027
…..John WillifordJanuary 10, 2017 at 8:11 am #30045
Hm- so moving to a different state- is that like a solid plan that’s happening soon, or something you might want to happen? Maybe a fresh start would be good, if you still hear/talk to people that know all about the past toxic situation. Getting away from that couldn’t hurt. But on the flip side, our ability to deal with awkward and stressful situations doesn’t really diminish no matter where we go, but rather requires that we grow and learn more about ourselves.
So do you think you’ll move away? If so, would that be soon?Megan HuettlJanuary 10, 2017 at 7:39 pm #30055
This topic hits home for me because it feels exactly like the relationship I was in before I got married. I was told I was worthless and everything that happened to me was an inconvenience and that I should be grateful that he even wanted to be around me. I went through an incredible tragedy which took physical and emotional healing, and he made sure that I knew that I was causing a problem and was inconveniencing his social life by going through this. I asked him to go to an important appointment with me, and he and I fought for 2 days because he felt that I was not worth the time and effort to be supported. And when I knew I had to heal, it felt incredibly lonely. But what’s incredible is that you recognize that you DO need to heal, and you have a lot of healthy habits to help you heal. You may not say it, but you KNOW you’re worth more than he made you feel, and you know you need to learn to love yourself again. You have a positive mindset, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
I wish I had more to say, but I know from experience that healing takes time, and it can be lonely. But know that we are here for you, and I’m here for you. You’ll make it out okay and you’ll be stronger and know how much you’re loved and worth.AdamJanuary 10, 2017 at 7:49 pm #30056
I’m not really sure how to help…I’ve never really been through anything like that. But for the social setting, even with your current lifestyle of working out and meal prepping, you can still go out and have a good time with people without having to eat food somewhere or drink alcohol or some drink. I have a few friends who come out to be with us but they won’t eat the food there or drink anything; they just want to be a part of the group. Even if you plan on moving, try to develop some friendships now. It’s not easy, it usually requires us to step out of our comfort zone at times, and it usually requires us to take a risk; but when you find someone who was worth the risk, then that’s a lasting friendship. If you’d rather wait until you move to develop relationships, then I understand that; a fresh start is nice.
Hang in there. <3 You’re incredible, and I’m glad you were bold enough to come on here to tell us about what you’re going through. They say the first step to finding healing, is to admit that there’s a problem; and you’ve came out and told us about what you’ve been dealing with.
We’re here for you; stay strong and don’t give up.xexitsongxJanuary 11, 2017 at 11:45 am #30065
…..John WillifordJanuary 12, 2017 at 9:44 am #30072
When you say that he suddenly became less attracted to you, and that it was your fault- do you mean that he was saying that it was your fault, or that you actually think it was your fault? If you think that was your fault I want to speak into that!
Duuuuude I totally get it! I was out of a job last year before I was hired at HS, and for about a year we lived with my wife’s parents. You feel like you’re free-loading, that you’re not independent, and that you haven’t made any progress from when you were in high school. It’s super stagnating; I really fell into a lazy self-deprecating hole.
If I had any advice, it would be GET OUTTA THERE! Ha. You definitely needed to move back down to escape the situation before, so it’s not a knock on you that you moved back in with them. But if you’re anything like me (sounds like you are), it’s killing your heart. You might feel like a heavy blanket of apathy settling over all your passions, motivations, and desires. The only thing I have to say about that is throw that blanket off, and get out of there, out into the world. Write a new chapter 🙂xexitsongxJanuary 12, 2017 at 10:15 am #30073
….hs_DanjoJanuary 12, 2017 at 12:36 pm #30074
I hope you find even a temporary community here at HS that helps you give you the support you needed to take the next step on your journey. I’m great full that you shared your story and experience here so that we could feature it on the Live Support Wall. It helped so many people and opened lots of conversations with others! Please keep us updated on your progress. We’re here for you.
-DanJohn WillifordJanuary 12, 2017 at 2:10 pm #30077
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