• Kevingrant3388
    February 26, 2017 at 1:33 am #30691

    So I’m starting counseling and just hate it because this person knows a lot about myself. I feel like I’m being watched over every second by this person and they say they can help me, I just don’t believe that. I don’t go back till march 9 and I don’t want to go back there. My parents and everyone else think it’ll help me but I know it won’t. It’s really hard to go to someone and just tell them you’re a very suicidal thinker and attempted once before. I won’t stop going until I’m “better”. I have this messed up life that doesn’t need to be fixed because it won’t work, I know it just won’t. Every day and even today I tell to myself ” just end it all it’ll be better. You have to fix the problem so go fix it.” And I think suicide is the answer to it every problem I have. I feel like I can’t go on a lot longer living here. I’m so scared of people and even myself. So do I just end it all this way or is there some other answer?

    annaluray15
    February 26, 2017 at 3:05 am #30693

    I started therapy today.. It sucks. It’s totally lame, and I don’t like it. So I’m with you, but I think you should keep going. I mean you’ve got nothing to lose. Plus, most therapist/counselors have really good mints. Just go for the mints, and if you happen to get something out of it then that’s a bonus. 😋😝 I know it feels odd opening up your life to this stranger, but it’s not much different than posting on the support wall for advice/encouragement/help. 🙂 we’re all strangers, (though I’m starting to think of ya’ll like family.❤) There’s always a better option than ending your life. I’ve been where you are (wanting to end your life- thinking there’s no other option.) some days/nights I still am in your position, but what keeps me going is the fact that if I can just make it till the sunrise.. if i can just stay alive until morning then i don’t know what tomorrow holds. Tomorrow could be my best day yet! I could wake up to find my favorite cereal in the cabinet. Or I could walk outside, and see Tyler Joseph.. (Probably not, but you get the point.) Find your reason to hold on & hold fast to that. Life comes in seasons. Some seasons are bad, dark, and gloomy, but some are sunny & happy. You haven’t always been sad, (though depression can do that to you- blind your eyes/memories from all the good times when you didn’t feel this way.) the season will once again turn happy & sunny. Until that season comes just hold on. Make it till the sunrise. Find your personal reasons to stay alive… Maybe even make a list. That’s what I’ve done, and don’t worry if you can’t think of anything for a bit.. It took me a couple to even come up with 1 reason to keep waking up.. P.S, the reason was hot cups of tea & watching the sun come up from my roof. It can be totally lame like that. Anything that reminds you that there is beauty in this life & there are things worth sticking around for. You are so loved & important. I hope you have people around you to spread that message to you, but if you don’t then we’re all here to spread it instead. ❤❤

    Kevingrant3388
    February 26, 2017 at 8:36 am #30695

    Thank you for the advice annaluray15

    February 26, 2017 at 9:26 am #30697

    well idk how you are but if you`re at the age of 18 you can find someone else that you like i hated the therapist i had he was annoying as all hell personally i dont think i need it but who knows maybe i do but thats besides the point as anna said keep going man as annoying as it is it can help you find out what maybe diagnosis you have and the right meds to balance you out if you just started how can judge it just by one session you might think its stupid and a waste of time but like i said it can be really helpful.

    IAmCassie
    February 26, 2017 at 9:50 pm #30699

    Hey Kevingrant3388!

    I have gone to therapy for the last 2 years. The worst part of it is the first day. The day where you have to go through everything and relive all the stuff you are going through. It sucks. I remember not wanting to go, but my best friend encouraged me to go again and I found that after a while it did get easier. My therapist I see now feels like a friend even though she is my therapist, but I can tell that she really does care about me and she even talks to me about things she has been through which makes me feel better. So my advice would be to stick it out a few more sessions. I do want to be honest with you too and let you know that I did go to a therapist before the one I have now and we did not mesh well. I honestly hated talking to her. She treated me like I was a fragile doll and I couldn’t stand that. Finding a good therapist may take some trial and error like it did with me. It may seem like a bad thing, but it’s not. When you find a therapist you really work well with you find that healing becomes something possible, not just a dream. I hope this helped a little bit.

    Stay Strong,

    Cassie

    Kevingrant3388
    February 26, 2017 at 10:23 pm #30701

    I’ll stay for a few more and see if it’ll help me IAmCassie

    powderpink
    February 27, 2017 at 12:21 pm #30710

    Hi there friend!

    I agree with Cassie!
    Although I went to see a therapist for different reasons, it may take a few sessions to realise if the therapist is right for you.
    When I started going I hated it too. I felt like the person was either trying to act like they knew me or tried to fix me with superglue. I didn’t like it. I found a therapist who forced me to do things but also gave me a feeling that I wasn’t stupid by the way swe worked together.
    So find someone who iss right for YOU.

    I wanted to let you know, and you can see that by the posts, that you are not alone! Don’t give up on hope and don’t give up on yourself. As mentioned there are ups and downs, that is life. And unfortunately suicide doesn’t only affect you, but also the ones around you. And if you have people around you, who want you to get well that is a great start, not everyone has that. And it’ss alright to feel nervous and scared. There are ups and downs ain lifes. I find myself being scared of the downs, especially.

    So stay strong!
    I don’t know what you’ve been through, but if you ever feel like sharing you have the comunity here aswell. Remember that your life and YOU are not worthless.
    We believe in you and I am especially sending you much much energy for you and your future!

    Much love and much energy
    <3

    frylfeishilfe
    February 27, 2017 at 8:47 pm #30727

    Hey Kevin,
    I get it, I hated counseling when I went too. I only went for a couple months because I BSed my way out of it, and thats one of my biggest regrets. Please stick with it, you dont necessarily have to stick with the same therapist, but please stick with therapy. Im proud of you for taking a step toward healing, and that goes for everyone in therapy. That takes a lot of courage. You can do it, hold fast friend, we believe in you.
    Much love,
    Maddy

    Kevingrant3388
    February 27, 2017 at 10:39 pm #30737

    I’ll try to powderpink I just hate being forced to stuff that’s why I hate it so much. Frylifeishilife thank you a lot I don’t think it’ll help me much at all though.

    smiles
    February 28, 2017 at 3:58 pm #30767

    trust me the hardest part is the first day after that it really gets easier and it starts helping and you actually start liking it. at least that’s how it was for me, just try and go for a few more times to see how you like it and if you don’t like the person change therapists (yes you can do that). suicide is not the answer hun I promise I know life is tuff but you can get through this and we are all here to support you.

    *biggg hugs and kitty kisses*

    Kevingrant3388
    March 1, 2017 at 11:49 pm #30806

    I will smiles thank you

    Nate Hilpert
    March 16, 2017 at 12:00 pm #31087

    Hey Kevin, did you end up going to counseling? And if so, how’d it go?

    Kevingrant3388
    March 19, 2017 at 12:03 am #31125

    I went to it a few times already Nate. I still don’t like it. I don’t thinks it’s helping me at all.

    Nate Hilpert
    March 22, 2017 at 3:39 pm #31172

    Kevingrant3388,

    Man, that’s gotta be so scary…everyone talks about counseling like it’s the place where you can get ALLLLLL of your problems solved, and the fact that it’s not working for you is scary because it’s like — well, are my problems unsolvable? Will I ever get better? And that fear of things never getting better is paralyzing because if things are never going to get better — well, what is the point of moving forward if all that’s ahead of me is as bad as it is now and worse?

    And kevin, I can relate, bro. I remember a point in my life where it felt like every night, the hollow thoughts of — what the hell is the point of my life — came rushing in…I spent all day doing stuff to avoid those very thoughts and then when I’d get in bed and couldn’t possibly run from them anymore, I felt swallowed by them. I felt hopeless and afraid that my life was going to be doomed to always be this bad and my only assurance was that it’d get worse.

    But man, it wasn’t the truth. Things got better for me, and I believe they will for you…not because “life just magically gets better”, but because I believe you’re the kind of dude that has what it takes to make his life better…here’s what I mean: I saw on your instagram that you play guitar, and I think I saw somewhere on there that you’ve only been playing for something like 7 months. When you listen to metal music (one of the most complicated genres of all), and you decide to pick up an instrument, you’re up against huge odds. Because it feels so overwhelming, like there’s SO MUCH GROUND between where you are now and playing the music you want to play, being as skilled as you need to play the music you love…it feels like you’ll NEVER get there…like you have NO HOPE of ever attaining the level of skill that it takes. But even amidst what felt like a hopeless situation, you had the nuts to pick up that guitar and start. Even though the “finish line” felt like it was an impossible goal, you leaned in, and you got started. And seven months later, you’ve made huge strides, and you can look back and say, man, I might not be there yet, but I’ve made some serious progress…from knowing NOTHING, to being able to play some of the songs you like — that’s HUGE. In such a short amount of time too…it takes courage to face the impossible, it takes fortitude to do it day after day, it takes perseverance to make real progress, and it takes grit to face resistance head on and move forward…and you’ve got all of those characteristics as a young man, and it’s those exact characteristics that I believe are going to be the reason you’re going to be okay man.

    Counseling might not be an instant fix for you, but maybe if you keep going, if you persevere with your counselor and choose to lean in and make it work, it will. But let’s say for whatever reason it’s a total flop! You’ve tried to play songs before and failed. But you kept at it until you succeeded. You’ve got that drive, that internal strength to keep going even when shit sucks and isn’t panning out the way you want it to, and I believe you can apply that same strength of character to your emotional journey, and you’ll learn and grow and fail yet get back up and keep going and finally overcome. I know you’ve got what it takes to make it through this season of your life and not just survive and be alive at the other end but truly THRIVE.

    You can do this, Kevin. You’re the type of man who has what it takes to face everything and anything put before him. I believe in you. Keep going.

    -Nate

    Kevingrant3388
    March 22, 2017 at 6:40 pm #31177

    I’ll try to keep it going and apply it to my life sand fight it. Thank you for making me smile Nate!

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