hm1tzJune 18, 2017 at 2:32 am #32535
I’ve been wanting to talk about the events that have unfolded in my life in these past two years. However, I’ve decided not to because I have not wanted to tell anyone what I was truly feeling until now.
It all started during the summer of 2015. My Mom hadn’t been feeling well for most of the beginning of Summer, she had multiple tests done to hopefully find out what the problem was but to no avail. They then did a scan of her brain to see if it was something neurological which it was. Needless to say, her brain lit up like a Christmas tree which was scar tissue. It turns out that she has Multiple Sclerosis which is an autoimmune disease affecting the central nervous system (CNS)—the brain, spinal cord, and optic nerves. The nerves in the CNS are surrounded by a protective fatty material called myelin, which helps nerve fibers conduct electrical impulses. In MS, it is thought that when the immune system attacks the CNS, the myelin is damaged–resulting in the formation of dense, scar-like tissue called sclerosis. These scars (also known as lesions) occur in multiple places throughout the CNS. This causes numerous problems with balance, memory, speech, etc. She has never been the same since and this has been hard for everyone including myself. It is even harder knowing that now will probably be the best condition she will ever be in again.
Fast forward to 2016-2017.
My grandmother had been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in 2014. I didn’t really know at the time what cancer even was or what the horrendous things it does to someone. As time passed she wasted away before us. She got thinner, started to wear a wig, and started to eat less. As more time passed she grew thinner and thinner, basic tasks became harder and harder, and continued to grow weaker and weaker. She was put into hospice care earlier this year. When I saw her, she had to have oxygen fed to her through a tank, and she was bone thin. This would be the last time I saw and talked to her. She died a few days afterwards.
Earlier this year in the spring my mother had an overdose of steroids due to the idiots at the urgent care giving her wayyyyyyyy over the amount she was supposed to receive. This is the kindling for the fire that burned down all that I knew and loved about my mother’s side of the family. It started on a Sunday afternoon when we were leaving so that I could go to practice she was clearly agitated and I tried to keep my head down. My and my brother Theo who was her anger punching bag, had enough of her anger and decided to get out of the car. She was furious she spouted many obscenities Such as cock sucker. Theo then reluctantly got into the car to hopefully not make her any angrier. It did just the complete opposite of what he had hopped would happen. I after practice found out that she had went after my brother at my grandmothers house. She tried to hurt him in a blind almost berserk like rage. In fear of my brothers safety my grandmother and aunt interfered, this only made things worse. My mother then pinned my aunt up against the car. In which my stepdad had to pull her off of her. Due to this the one side of the whole family has been been shattered along with all that I know of. I’m shocked, and mentally and emotionally drained. My whole world has been turned upside down and there is nothing to me that can distinguish a truth from a lie. I do not know if my mother truly is the angel she claims to be, or the devil that others have said she is.
Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.ashandisJune 18, 2017 at 10:00 pm #32554
This is truly a tough few years for you. I will be praying for you and your family.
One of my favorite verses is psalms 64 when David is crying out to the lord about people who have hurt him in the past. God sees all and hears all. He knows what is true about your mother and he knows how you have suffered. It is tough when we finally see our parents without the colored glasses we had on. I personally can say it hurt when I learned the true side of both my parents and my relatives. But deep down I have now learned our families aren’t always made up of the people that are blood related to us. We make our own families and support teams. God needs to be the one to guide your heart and truly help you.
I really hope you are doing okay this sounds like a lot I take. We are here for you and I know I will listen and help all I can. Support is very important in a time of need. God wraps his arms around those in need.
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