historygirl19March 16, 2017 at 10:17 pm #31098
I’m not very great at making friends, I have severe social anxiety. I’ve been backstabbed by three ex friends all within a month. They all hate me. Yet I still care about them. My ex hates me and though we don’t talk anymore, I still care about him. I’m debating whether or not to text him on his birthday, my head tells me not to, but I just want to be nice.I’m still gridlocked on what to do. I feel like I’m too nice to people and they just hurt me, I feel like I shouldn’t be nice but that’s just me. It hurts having to sit next to a girl who’s in special ed and doesn’t talk about normal 17 year old things that we girls talk about. But that’s my daily routine,I sit with her every day at lunch and nutrition so I’m not looked upon. I wish I could change it but I can’t. I don’t know what to do, I feel like all of this is causing me pain and sadness. I feel trapped.John WillifordMarch 17, 2017 at 6:59 am #31100
Hey historygirl19! Mind if we get some details? What’s your life like? Are you in school, do you have a job?
Just seeing where you’re at in life and we can go from there. I know it’s sometimes hard to make friends and interact with people, especially when you don’t think they’ll want to be your friend. I can’t promise you that I have answers, but hey I’ll be your friend 🙂historygirl19March 19, 2017 at 12:07 am #31126
I don’t have friends, I sit with this girl who’s disabled every day at school. I would talk to people but I’m afraid of being backstabbed of making a fool out of myself.John WillifordMarch 20, 2017 at 7:12 am #31130
I hear you. Why put out all of the work and effort to meet new people when they’ll probably just end up hurting you in the end anyway? Getting through school and life is hard enough without having to worry about a social life.
If you knew me well, you’d laugh to know that I was super shy in middle/high school. Now, after having gone through my 20s, I’m loud and friendly to everyone I meet, but that came after years of self-criticism, shyness, and doubt. That may not be exactly what you’re struggling with, but I can relate with the monumental task of just trying to find friends, especially after some of them have been mean to you.
I want to encourage you to break free from the people who cause you harm, but at the same time rest in the understanding that it’ll probably keep happening. Here’s what I mean- if people that you hung out with hurt you and cause you emotional pain, then it’s probably not in your best interest to keep hanging out with them. However, just about everyone we have relationships with will eventually hurt us. I think it’s our task to do the work of understanding the frailty of people and their tendency to be mean to others. So you can forgive them and look forward to the future, and that doesn’t have to mean hanging out with them still.
You have something great and beautiful to offer the world. It sounds like you’re already offering friendship to the girl that you sit with. I encourage you to find out what it is, and share it with others.ClickTheShutterMarch 20, 2017 at 6:45 pm #31144
I completely understand, friend. I struggle with this daily. You’re not alone, I promise.
I’m gonna piggyback off of my friend John here, and say that I really encourage you to break free of people that cause you harm. If people are hurting you, you don’t deserve to be subjected to that hurt and that pain. It’s important to take care of yourself first. There’s a common phrase that says “if you can’t take care of yourself, it’s going to be hard to take care of others.” and it’s completely true. You need to break away from these people and keep yourself and your best interests in mind.
It may seem like an impossible task at the moment, but forgiving others is an important stop on the road to healing. Instead of harboring negativity and putting out negative energy in the world, take the energy you may feel towards these people and turn it into fuel for your inner fire. Find a passion, start making friends with this girl that you sit with, there’s so many things you can do that are a positive step in the right direction. You seem like you have a great heart and a lot of love to give. People should be falling over themselves and going to outrageous lengths to be your friend. Not a lot of people like you exist in the world anymore, and while that’s a shame, it’s also a blessing because there’s so many people that need love, and you can be the one to give them that love.
I don’t know where you stand in the realm of a belief system, but something that I always go back to when I feel down about this sort of thing is a passage in the Bible. Specifically, Psalm 34:17-20 that says;
“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.”
When things feel like they’re the worst and that everybody hates me, I remember that my Father in Heaven loves me no matter what the world tells me or how others portray themselves towards me. It’s kind of comforting.
I hope things start to heal for you. I’ll be sending you all my prayers and good vibes, friend.
Hold Fast, We Believe In You. <3IAmCassieMarch 20, 2017 at 6:53 pm #31145
Lacey Sturm (ex singer from Flyleaf) wrote this book and the part that really resonated with me was when she talked about how sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for a chapter and not forever. It can feel like being abandoned but it is actually helping to guide you to people will guide you into the person you are meant to become. And I know that sometimes people can just leave us bruised, but even that hurt can heal. There is hope for having amazing friends who lift you up and encourage you. Never confuse your kindness with weakness. Hold fast my friend. <3
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.