balakumar79January 8, 2017 at 9:54 pm #30017
I was got married to her about 4 years ago. Since she is much talkative and bold which is very much threatening and give aggressiveness for me to control. She speaks to all peoples for whom I feel fears to talk. I feel she is making me foolish and do not want in her life. This is especially when she was in her mother’s home. I feel her 2 elder sisters, father, brother and her relatives are influencing her to do like this.
I was MA English literature and working as a home based medical transcriptionist for past 3 years. Salary is no problem and work too. She was +2 fail but her family was richer than ours. I wonder her elder sister who was 15 years elder, working as Govt school teacher. Being a shy person, I was unable overcome from her speech. Another elder sister is +2 going to office. She got second marriage after her first husband divorced her. So she is a great problem.
Basically I was very shy type and talk to very limited person in society and my talk was also very limited. When she is with me and my family, she always complains often about my mother, father, sister and relatives which is quite acceptable from her words and it is true. My main problem is that when I go to her home, she and all the family members there are abusing me of being silent and my character. Their fast conversation between my wife and other persons there really can’t tolerable. On her brother’s marriage, she did not behave as my wife, nor give respect to me. She behaves on her own way to speak others. It seems she disrespects me there and respects others there. From the very beginning, his activities force me to think I was worthless and doubt about my abilities and think about ending of my life or elope from her and live life without seeing her, but at the same time I feel it is not possible without her (not possible to forgot her). At sometime mere killing myself for a woman is coward and moreover it gives her a chance to marry another person and live happily with him. So I think rather killing myself, killing her is correct decision. I don’t know why these thoughts are coming and going. Strangely when she is living with me these thoughts came occasionally.
Please help me how to overcome her and her family without talking much.
ThanksMegan HuettlJanuary 9, 2017 at 1:32 pm #30030
I am doing my best to work through your message and I apologize if I’m misunderstanding anything that you’re trying to convey. But I’ll do my best.
It sounds like you’re having an issue with your wife simply not respecting you and putting you down in front of others, right? She is respectful to her family, but not to yours and often makes you feel unimportant. Which leads to these dark feelings of you not feeling your worth and thinking that either ending your life or ending hers is the solution. Am I on the right track?
First of all – let me dispel my last statement. Ending your life or hers is never going to solve the problems you’re facing. If anything, it will make it worse. Ending your life will cause a load of questions from your family wondering how they could have stopped it, and they’ll feel like failures. Your wife will wonder how she could ever have been so cruel to drive you to this, and she will spend the rest of her life feeling like she killed you herself. It will spiral until no one has answers, and everyone just wants to know why it happened and wish so much they could bring you back and make it better.
Ending your wife’s life will also effectively end yours. You will go to prison, you will wonder what you could have done differently. You will be forever labeled as a murderer, and potentially never see your family again.
Those are heavy, big, huge thoughts to take. Here is my advice, coming from my own marriage.
Communication is the biggest factor. How have you tried to tell her that she’s hurting you? Does she know this is how you feel? Does she think you don’t care because you don’t say anything, so she continues this behavior because she doesn’t know that you think it’s disrespectful? You have to tell her these things, and she needs to understand your thoughts and feelings if there is ever going to be a solution. Your family also needs to maybe address this, and tell her she is being disrespectful. It’s not fair for you to sit in silence while it happens. I know you said it’s hard for you to speak up, but if you want a solution this is the instance where you need to stand your ground and say enough is enough. Marriage is a two way street, and if she wants respect she does need to learn to give it.
I think your phrasing of “dominating” her is incorrect. You don’t want to do that because ultimately that will lead to more disrespect and rebellion, and bigger issues. You need to respect her as your WIFE. She is part of you. You love her deeply and want a life with her. She is your “rib” – God created woman from man, and she is just that. A part of you.
Best of luck to you. I hope this helps.
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