• TheeCrazyBethy
    August 10, 2017 at 12:55 pm #33418

    I’ve hit a really extreme low. Could be hormone caused could be life. No idea. Relapsed into self harm. The few people who know and whom I’ve talked to encouraged me to post here again but I dont even know what to post. Im ashamed of this. Of me. I don’t feel like I’m worth you guys’s support and love.

    I’m sorry.

    Moowno1
    August 10, 2017 at 1:18 pm #33419

    No to me and I’m sure many others here you are worth love and support most of us here have all hit that point and we don’t know why or if there’s anything we can do about it. The truth is you have already done something about it by posting here and looking for some help and support. About your relapse I know it sucks I am struggling with porn and when relapse occurs it feels as though nothing I did while recovering worked but it did. Also I believe I have seen you at the HeartSupport streams so come watch it today and talk to everyone =]

    ashandis
    August 10, 2017 at 1:18 pm #33420

    Bethy, you are always worth our continued support. I believe everyone in our community would tell you the same thing. You are important to this community. Bethy I have been here and I will tell you the struggle is real. Life is not life for those of us here that do not struggle. So I will put it this way you need the support and that is all I can offer but I can tell you that you are worth being picked back up. There is a song that I love it is a little older and truly it makes me think hard when I listen to it. It is called Rise by Katy Perry. This song talks about this idea of rising up no matter what the issue. I literally was told about this song at the lowest of lows and it helped me see that we are able to achieve what we want. I use music as a power. I may not always find what I need in the world but I can find the strength in me. You are so so so strong and you are so amazing bethy. I see you as a friend like no other. Your title is dont read this but in reality I would read it because you are that important. What you are going through is important. You did not let me down in anyway. You just slipped it would not be called an addiction if people did not slip up and make mistakes. So please remember that just because you slipped doesnt mean you cant go past this point. I personally also like to say that a slip can be healed with time. Pick back up and go on further. Find those around you that care and hold on tightly. Let them help you. Let them show you that you are worth all the love and support. Do not feel like you are bad for having an addiction that is hard to defeat because one day you will defeat it and be able to help others that stand in the same place you once did. You are an inspiration to many that have stood in the same place as you or are starting out a journey. Remember you story doesnt end here you can write the story you want to have. It might not work out entirely the way you would choose but you can write it. Believe me I wish life would just say hey here you go but in reality it doesnt. Bethy you mean so much to me. You have shared stuff with me and I have grown close to you. Your struggle is important. You are a wonderful human and you just stepped off the path so here I am trying to hope I can help you get back on.

    I know you own the rewrite book perhaps you should go back and reread some of the book. Remember that you arent alone in this. Remind yourself that mistakes happen and all you can do is overcome that. Be the overcomer I know you can be.

    I CARE BETHY. I will listen bethy. I am here for you bethy. Do not stop using the resources you have because you are blessed and I know how much you mean to so many people.

    Ash

    Evan9171
    August 10, 2017 at 1:19 pm #33421

    TheeCrazyBethy,we all have been there I also recently relapsed myself it’s okay it’s just a speed bump in life. You are definitely worth it, I see you on the live stream all the time there are plenty of people here that care so much about you. Just stay strong and you will get through this.

    Evan.

    justin_miller1201
    August 10, 2017 at 10:23 pm #33430

    Have you red Ben’s new book on self harm called “Rewrite”?

    John Williford
    August 11, 2017 at 9:33 am #33431

    Everyone here has said everything I’d say, and I just want to repeat it 🙂 you’re loved sister! I’m excited to get to know you better as we work together to reach more people!

    Nathanael
    August 11, 2017 at 10:34 am #33433

    Bethy,

    You are so incredibly loved and cared about. You are worthy of every ounce of love you receive. You are incredibly precious and your life has meaning.

    Relapse is a natural part of recovery. I can’t count the number of times I’ve relapsed into self-harm. It’s so easy to feel like it’s something that you’ll never be free from or even not want to be free from. It’s difficult. It’s tough. But there is always hope, even when it doesn’t seem like it.

    It’s a journey and relapse is often a part of it. Be patient and kind to yourself. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fall down. You are never defined by your mistakes. When you relapse it doesn’t mean it’s over, it’s just another step to make and another obstacle that you will overcome. Celebrate all the small victories you’ve made and don’t see relapse as defeat. You’re making progress. Keep going, it’ll be worth it.

    I hope you know that you are so loved and cared about and that you always have a family here who love and support you. We’re here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m always here or you can email at [email protected]

    Hold fast, we believe in you.

    With care,

    Nathanael

    IAmCassie
    August 11, 2017 at 12:35 pm #33435

    Bethy,

    When I see you on the community page or on steam I don’t think of you as a girl with self harm struggles, I see you as the girl who loves to do streams and who is really funny and witty and who encourages everyone who needs it even though she herself is struggling too. After all of these months talking to you and interacting with you you’ve become a friend to me. I care so much about you Bethy. This is not the end of your journey. And I don’t care how many times you relapse, I’m still going to be there to help you back up, remind you of your beauty and worth, and celebrate every day that goes by that you stayed clean. Sending you all my love and hugs. <3

    AVJR
    August 11, 2017 at 12:51 pm #33436

    We’re here for you, Bethy. 😌

    TheeCrazyBethy
    August 11, 2017 at 2:06 pm #33440

    Moo, Ash, Evan, John, Nathanael, Cassie, AVJR…thank you.
    Justin, yeah. I have it and am still working my way through it.

    This low was a bad one. Mistakes were made. I was stupid and did stupid things. Risked my life. The transition off my antidepressant (not by my choosing) isn’t going as smoothly as I hoped it would. I’m still battling really intense suicidal thoughts but I think things might be getting slightly better. Thanks for being here, caring, and loving me despite my flaws, failures, and everything. I will do my best to keep fighting and keep trying at recovery. <3

    Nathanael
    August 14, 2017 at 3:48 pm #33471

    Relapse can be really rough. You can quickly find yourself in a really dark place and it can feel impossible to get out of.

    But no matter how dark it gets, no matter how far you fall, no matter how bad it is; there is always hope. You’ll get through this. One step at a time. Be patient with yourself and show yourself compassion. There are better days ahead for you and you deserve to see them.

    We’re always here for you. Please don’t ever be afraid to reach out. We care about you.

    Keeping you in my prayers.

    Hold fast, we believe in you.

    With care,

    Nathanael

    TheeCrazyBethy
    August 14, 2017 at 3:58 pm #33472

    Thank you Nathanael. Thank you so much.

    Very much feeling stuck and like a failure. Any addiction is so hard to get out of. Im doing my best to take things one day at a time and find the good in each day…I know its there. Just can be really hard to see through physical pain, family mess, and the chaos of life. But im trying.

    Nathanael
    August 14, 2017 at 4:10 pm #33473

    Definitely, it’s tough. When relapse hits it can be easy to feel like a failure and to feel completely stuck. Each time can feel worse than the last and it can be hard to even make it through the day.

    But friend you’re not a failure. You’re resilient. Keep trying, keep pushing on, you’ll get through this.

    Recovery is never easy or quick. I wish it was but sadly it doesn’t work like that. But what I can say is that it does get better. Keep trying, you’re not failing, you’ve got this.

    This storm won’t last forever. Take it one day at a time.

    Always here to talk to if you need

    Hold fast, we believe in you.

    With care,

    Nathanael

    TheeCrazyBethy
    August 14, 2017 at 4:11 pm #33474

    Thank you <3

    NomadicWanderer
    August 15, 2017 at 2:43 am #33490

    Hey there Bethy. Don’t ever feel like you don’t deserve love and support. You do. We all need each other. That’s what we’re here for. We all struggle and need encouragement every now and then. Don’t feel defeated because you relapsed. Tomorrow is a new day, and you can choose to press on. You can choose to reach out. If you ever need to talk, I’m here. I used to self harm as well. Hugs.

    jandro
    August 16, 2017 at 4:44 pm #33514

    Hey Bethy,

    I’m new to HS. I’m thrilled to see all the love being thrown at you on here.

    I also wanted to reach out, say that you’re absolutely worth our support, and that you HAVE my support, too; no doubt about it!

    This_girl_loves_R5
    August 17, 2017 at 12:48 am #33522

    Hey Bethy,
    Try not to focus on the fact that you relapsed. Focus on the progress you made before you relapsed, cause that’s still progress.
    I’m sorry about everything that’s happening, but don’t be ashamed. You’re just struggling. You’re human, it’s ok.
    No matter what you’re going through, you can come here. You’re always worthy of love and support. Don’t fall for the lie that you’re anything less than enough. You are good enough. And none of us judge you.
    You’re still alive. You’ve kept yourself breathing. Be proud of that.

    Xx

    TheeCrazyBethy
    August 18, 2017 at 9:56 pm #33540

    Thank you so much to everyone who has shown me support and encouraged me. This low was a bad one.

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