AVJRJune 15, 2017 at 12:17 pm #32506
Hi everyone. I just wanted to let you know of what is going on with my life. I am done with college, I got my AA degree in Animation, but I don’t feel motivated to transfer to university. My parents are disappointed that I don’t want to go. I am disappointed in myself too. I have not started the animation projects I wanted to do, or looking for new jobs. Not only that, I have been battling with depression, and I have not seek a psychologist for help. My life has become a rut. Earlier around 5 and 6 in the morning, I watched porn again, masturbated twice, and it got me sad because I don’t want to do this anymore. I know God doesn’t give up on me or anyone. He is faithful. Also, I have been single all my life, and I do want to be in a relationship. I don’t know if there is going to be a young woman who will love me, and accept me of who I am. Will it happen? There are times I don’t want to do anything. I have been putting too much pressure on myself. I need to apply myself to do better. Keep me in your prayers, Heart Support. Thank you for reading this. Have a great day. 😔IAmCassieJune 15, 2017 at 1:43 pm #32507
First I just want to tell you congratulations on finishing college! That is wonderful! As for university. Maybe you just need to take a year off or so? I think the best thing you can do right now is talk to someone. Possibly someone professional who can help you deal with how you are feeling and who can give you the tools you need to succeed if or when you go to university. I had to take a year off and my mom wasn’t very happy, but it was my decision and I knew it was best for me. If you know this is best for you don’t listen to anyone else. However, either way I do think you need to seek someone who can give you more help for all the hardships you are going through. I do want to let you know that you will find love. I know it’s hard, but good things will come to you. You are so loved! And we are always here for you! Sending all my prayers to you too. Hold Fast my friendBreeBreeJune 15, 2017 at 7:49 pm #32515
Hey AVJR –
You are so encouraging and helpful to other people, it makes me sad to see that you are struggling! I know that things will start to look up for you, but I think you need to give yourself a break. It is awesome that you finished college, but as Cassie said before me – University is committing more of your time to something, and if you are not ready, then it is best to take some time off and explore yourself! I think that the depression is definitely playing a role in why you are finding yourself not as motivated to do the things that you previously enjoyed – but I urge you to try them anyway! The animation projects that you don’t have motivation for because of the ‘rut’ – may help you out of the rut once you get into them! I know sometimes I have no desire to be social because of my anxiety and depression – but I know that once I push myself to be social, I feel much better and am able to pull myself out of my rut a little bit!
If you think that seeing a psychologist or counselor may be beneficial then I definitely encourage you to find someone you feel comfortable talking to and seeing them. There is absolutely nothing wrong seeking some additional help! God knows, we’ve all been there! As far as the porn goes, look, we all do things that we are disappointed that we do. We all slip up. If it is something you really don’t want to do anymore, then accept what happened and just move forward. If you continue to dwell, you will only pull yourself further into the depression. Just come to terms with what you did, and move forward.
I am positive that at some point you will meet a girl that will make you happy! We all find that person at different points in our life, but I think it is important for you to be happy with yourself before you project to the world that you are ready to share your life with another person. You want to be satisfied within your own life before adding someone to it! So for now, don’t worry so much about it, and focus on bettering yourself in the way that you want to! Explore who you are, and who you want to be – and eventually you will meet someone!
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, and focus on doing things that you enjoy – even if you don’t feel like you want to. It may help you re-establish yourself!
I wish you the best, and I hope you start to feel better soon!
– BriannaAVJRJune 15, 2017 at 8:18 pm #32518
Cassie and Briana, thank you so much! Your words are encouraging! I am blessed to be a part of a community who cares about me. I hope you two are having a great evening. Take care. 🌇HamsamuraiJune 19, 2017 at 3:30 pm #32583
Just from what you’ve said, I’d say switch something up. For instance, if you feel in a rut maybe it’s because you’re used to doing the same things over and over. So instead of taking the same bus route or going to the same restaurant, try something new. Get out of your comfort zone. Walk to that place, or try some new food. It might spark more interesting things in your life.
And as far as continuing on that path of school that you’re ‘supposed to do’, don’t worry about it. I skipped my first few years of college to do other things until I knew I was ready to go back and I don’t regret it. I went because I wanted to, not because I had to. Makes a difference.
And as far as turning to bad habits, try to find out what triggers them and see if you can remove yourself from that situation before it sinks in. Even if it’s moving to another room in the house or whatever. Might help.
Either way, good job on the successes you’ve had! Don’t lose sight of the fact that you want to make a change with yourself, in the long run you can make those choices to further yourself if you stick with it.
~HamashandisJune 19, 2017 at 3:49 pm #32584
So I know from my own experience that only this person has the power of what they are going to call good or bad. I know from how AVJR has helped me that you are very important and special. I can tell you that I am so glad to tell you that you are amazing. School is so tough and being that successful is wonderful. Your self care is so much more important. Self care is needed so please know that you help us all take care of ourselves. But you are very much special to this community. It is okay to not be at the standards of others. I use the app habitica.com to start goals and it helps me a lot.
What you have said to me is so helpful so you are making a difference and that is big. Thank you for sharing your struggles.
AshClickTheShutterJune 19, 2017 at 4:03 pm #32585
I don’t really have much experience with this, but I wanted to let you know that you’re heard and you’re cared about. These things are terrible. You’ll definitely be in my prayers. Things will get better, friend. Keep your chin up and keep trying. You’ll get there sooner than you may think.
<3AVJRJune 19, 2017 at 4:21 pm #32586
Ham, Ash, ClickTheShutter, thank you! It was really unexpected of you guys to take your time out of your day to write. It means a lot to me. 😌TheeCrazyBethyJune 19, 2017 at 4:27 pm #32587
AVJR *hugs* I don’t have much to offer in the way of encouragement but know you’re loved. You’ve been a huge part of this community lately. You’ve responded to my posts, encouraged me, and really been inspiring to me and always will be. As for addictions, relapses happen…what matters is that you pick yourself up and try to turn from that sin again. I’ve been a self harmer for…oh gosh…almost 10years now or so and I’ve faced many relapses. Its tough every single freaking time but I know recovery is important and that it isn’t good for me to keep hurting myself so I keep picking myself back up and fighting for recovery. I’m finding that in this life stuff won’t be easy but its worth fighting for because we can’t get all of the good out of life if we keep digging ourselves holes of despair and then burying ourselves in sin.
Love you always friend. Hold on. I believe in you. Everyone here believes in you. And have patience. Nothing wrong with being single. Things will get better and God has a plan. Praying. *big big big hugs* This storm won’t last forever.AVJRJune 19, 2017 at 9:51 pm #32598
Thank you everyone for your support! 😁AVJRJune 23, 2017 at 9:22 am #32646
Just want let everyone know that today, around 3 and 6 in the morning, I fall into the temptation to watch porn again, and masturbated 2 times. I’m sorry for my failure. Thank you so much for your support. I will find a accountability partner who help me get through this. Peace. 🙏🏾ashandisJune 23, 2017 at 10:08 am #32647
Hey you are not a failure for slipping and making a mistake. It is okay to mess up what you need to remember is to pick yourself up and use this to get better. I will tell you I had about a week clean which is the longest I had gone without self harm and broke it yesterday but it is important that we both know mistakes happen and we just need to grow from them.
We are here for you and to support you.
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