• kayleeee
    March 20, 2017 at 12:19 pm #31132

    Hello,

    I am having awful family stress. My parents have gotten more controlling of my life recently. I can’t go out or see my friends. They won’t let me have a boyfriend or they will cut me off financially but they let my younger brother smoke weed all day and do whatever he wants. I’m 23 and I’m tired of feeling like a prisoner in my own home. I’m very depressed and I take meds for my depression but I just can’t stand feeling alone because I can’t hangout with my friends to talk to them in person. I can’t reason with my parents and they’re divorced so I live with my mom but my dad is verbally abusive to me. I feel super isolated. The only happiness I have is my job at the ASPCA helping take care of cats and playing with them.

    Nathanael
    March 20, 2017 at 4:20 pm #31138

    Hey there,

    That really sucks. To feel like a prisoner in your own home, to have your voice ignored and not be able to do what you want. That’s really rough, I’m sorry.

    Your parents really have no right to treat you like this and are not acting as a loving parent should. If they are willing to listen maybe try and explain the effect that this is having on you and try and get them to understand where you are coming from. If not, maybe try and get someone else involved who might be able to help you out. I’m not sure what kind of services or laws there are where you live but it might be worth looking at your rights and what help might be available.

    It might not be the same, but we’re always here to talk to and to listen. You have a family here that love and care about you. We’re here for you.

    Hold fast, we believe in you.

    With care,

    -Nathanael

    MaddieBianca
    March 20, 2017 at 4:35 pm #31139

    Hey there, I’ve struggled with controlling parents too. If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of conversation have you had with them about you wanting more freedom? I had to sit down and talk with my parents multiple times before they understood that it’s okay for me to be out with friends late at night and go places without telling them. What I eventually had to learn was my parents were trying to come from a place of love and a place of being afraid their youngest is growing up. I don’t think they were ready for that. Do you think that is the same place your parents are coming from? I would try and continue to be open with them and explain how you need your friends and to do things on your own. It might take a while for them to understand but they eventually will. I would also suggest to try and stick it out till you are able to support yourself on your own. My parents have given me restrictions too and if I break them then I would also be cutoff financially. I just keep telling myself “right now, it isn’t worth it. But I’ll have it eventually” and that helps me get through it and still show respect to my parents wishes. I hope this is helpful to you and if you want to talk more you can email me too! My email is [email protected] 🙂

    Maddie

    olcasers
    March 21, 2017 at 7:12 pm #31152

    Vid Response: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/130317063

    kayleeee
    March 21, 2017 at 10:00 pm #31155

    Thank you guys I appreciate it for you giving me advice on how to overcome this struggle and that you’re here for me to come too when I need help. I just watched the video. I should’ve put more detail into my situation because I don’t think they quiet understand what is happening. I have a good relationship with my mom but my dad still controls her and he doesn’t live with us. My dad is very nasty to me and emotionally black nails me and is verbally abusive. I wish he wasn’t the way he is. It’s gotten worse since my oldest brother is in prison for something he didn’t do. I barely visit him because my dad always tells me to stop talking and is very rude. So I stopped going. Recently I went to my best friends house. I was in the bathroom and I went to look at my phone. I had 11texts and 2missed calls from my parents flipping out on me. When I told them where I was. I’m 23 and I understand if I live with my mom I have to listen to her rules but it was a Friday night. My dad assumed I was with my ex boyfriend when I wasn’t. He was nasty towards me yelling at me over the phone in front of my best friend. I was crying so much that I just hung up the phone. My parents never used to be this way until my older brother got thrown in Prison. But my 21 year old brother can have freedom and do what he wants. I don’t go out at night for drinks with friends anymore. I literally just go to my job at the ASPCA, text friends, do chores and play with my dog. It’s hard to move out when I don’t make enough. Another thing is I don’t think my parents want to see me get out on my own because they’re afraid of something bad happening to me. I don’t live my life in fear and capable of taking care of myself on my own.

    Nate Hilpert
    March 22, 2017 at 3:53 pm #31173

    kayleeee,

    Nothing worse than feeling awful in normal circumstances. So much shame wrapped around it all because it feels like most people don’t understand because things aren’t like… “bad” or whatever… you have a place to live, you’ve got a job, you feel you’re a decent person, a lot of people would look at your life and say “what’ve you got to complain about?” But every day you go home, it feels like prison. You feel so shackled to them and their expectations and rules and decrees over your life. It feels like you have no control over where you go, like you have to be in a “parent-approved” place at all times or all hell will break loose, and it’ll be worse than if you just stayed in the damn house…it feels like the only acceptable place is right under their thumb where they can keep you where they want you, and you feel so trapped, so squashed, so small, so powerless…particularly to your dad, who seems to have illogical rage towards you where he explodes at unreasonable things — it’s not his life, you’re an adult, and you feel like he’s treating you like some ragingly defiant 6 year old…you’re not doing anything ridiculous, you’re hanging out with friends, trying to be a normal social human being, and you feel like you’re being outrageously punished for normal things. The worst part is you feel you have no ability to make things better…you don’t have the money to get out from your house, or you would have already done that, and you don’t know how to change that, so it literally feels like you’re stuck…yes, when you go to work, you feel better because it gets your mind off of things, but there’s always that looming cloud hanging overhead about having to return home to the parental prison each day that it almost starts to cloud over parts of your work day too…you’re just ready to live your own damn life. You know you’re capable, you know you’re responsible, you know nothing’s holding you back except money, and you just can’t wait to get the freedom and the RESPECT and the space from your parents that you know you want and deserve.

    It’s just a constant dull bummer. And you don’t really know what to do about it because it just feels like there’s nothing TO do, which is the worst part. You don’t feel you’re doing anything wrong, and so you don’t know how to change anything to make it better…it just feels like your parents are biting down on you, and you’re not a kid anymore, and you just wished it would change so you wouldn’t feel like your life is so stressful and frustrating.

    -Nate

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