• Connor
    January 11, 2017 at 12:04 pm #30066

    So… I really don’t know where to start.

    Basically I’m very heartbroken by my ex. She cheated on me and I forgave her, then she started sleeping around and despite everything I still supported her.

    Months pass and we don’t talk, then we do and I get led on as I help her cope and come to terms with everything,
    So needless to say my heart was shattered when she told me she couldn’t help me because she was “moving on” when I was having mental breakdowns from heavy suicidal thoughts.

    But why am I really upset? I feel worthless honestly. Every relationship I have had ends in cheating and lies, and I just feel stupid far behind in school and just ugly…. but like I’ve made so much progress

    Lost 45 pounds, 4% body fat and aim getting noticeable muscle

    Got my associates degree and passed classes at my university despite wanting to kill myself.

    I GOT 2 AWARDS AT WORK AND YET STILL FEEL LIKE CRAP.

    I can’t describe it, I just feel lonely with my friends and family like a part of me is missing.

    I’ve changed so much, what was once posters up everywhere is now blank walls, video games all gone and I just feel so alone and it hurts.

    I am trying to let go of the past because my friend said if I act in fear of it I’ll never get over it and do new things. However….. I don’t even know where to start… am I forgiving myself? I’m not sure

    I haven’t done self harm… sort of, I keep working out to the point of physical exhaustion because it helps me forget, I feel strong and it’s better then crying however not really eating/over eating some days don’t help….

    I’m not really sure what I’m asking for

    Is this normal? Like am I allowed to feel this way? Heartbroken, alone, scared, behind, useless, ugly?

    I don’t have many friends to hangout with cause of life and just it sucks knowing the stuff I cared about is just gone.

    I’m lost in my mind with anxiety on high and I just need some sort of guidance here cause I just feel like crap always. Like I’m not good enough for my friends, family, or even myself.

    xexitsongx
    January 11, 2017 at 2:30 pm #30067

    Hi Connor,

    I want you to know your thoughts and feelings are completely normal. A couple years ago I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 8 years. It was hard, but he cheated and that’s the end all be all for me. Yet, even though I made the choice to leave, I felt broken. A large part of me was gone, and I had no idea how to recover. I went to work, talked to friends, and tried to do daily things. But the loss of my ex was pulling me under. I had a hard time relating to anyone. If I was in a crowded room I felt all alone. I’d get pissed at phrases like “cheer up” or “It’s not that bad.” It felt bad. It felt like the end of the world.

    But it wasn’t.

    I picked up a TV show I use to like. I bought a new video game. I started to read a book. I ran more. I tried to find things I use to like, because I had completely forgotten. And I started small. I started one day at a time. One thing at a time. Because I was with someone for so long I forgot what it was like to have a life just to myself. Totally forgot. Couldn’t function. But I read articles about it, I watched videos and Ted Talks, I talked to friends, I went to a therapist. I tried to educate myself on what the science behind this was so I could better understand it and fight it.

    It takes time. It takes more time than anyone would probably want to admit. But you need to do positive things with that time. Even if you don’t like it. I put on Avatar the last airbender, and even tho I use to like it, I hated it. I couldn’t find happiness within things that made me happy. But by season 3 I felt a bit better. Still hurt. But I was able to focus on the episode at least. Time doesn’t heal all wounds if you don’t use your time wisely. Just put one foot in front of the other. Pick up your favorite video game (it’s going to be a crappy experience for awhile) and keep playing. Keep doing what use to make you happy. Research and read about your problems. And you’ll be on a good road to recovery.

    Eat well. Live well. And you will be okay. But you are okay right now. And your thoughts are normal.

    More importantly you are good enough. I’m just getting out of a situation that made me feel ugly and worthless, and I get it. But I believe we have to love ourselves. And only until then can we find the right person who will love us fully. If we constantly look to others for opinions of ourselves we will be lost in a sea of opinions that are not true. You’re beautiful how you are. It takes time to see that. It takes even longer to believe it. I still don’t fully believe it for myself.

    Mauro
    January 11, 2017 at 9:38 pm #30070

    Hi there Connor!

    In fact its kinda normal to feel that way,even when things on other areas of your life are going great it sure feels like overall days just suck big time,like what the heck is so wrong that you end up alone and heartbroken,its all so confusing and chaotic.

    That struggle is not easy, as xexitsongx mentioned it takes more time than we would like to admit and takes a lot of courage to pick yourself up and put one foot in front of the other. But you do have courage and resilience bro, just look at what you wrote,you got your degree,awards and are on your way to fitness health despite everything! thats awesome bro and not only awesome but inspiring actually. It says a lot about who you really are,and even when you feel worthless and empty it is not the reality of who you are. You seem like a dude that gets things done,puts the effort and shows up at the arena, thats more than a lot of people can say for themselves!

    Now that doesnt mean its gonna be easy,the hurt is real, and from the looks of it there is nothing you have to forgive yourself for, you’ve been doing the best you can and unfortunately breakups just plain suck,big time too. More so when you gave so much and received a punch in the face as a goodbye. But that does not have to be reality always, you are good enough,you are worth being loved and worth having a relationship with,wether it is with your friends,family or a significant other.

    I broke up with my ex about a month ago, and i still feel like shit some days,today for example i just had to cry cause there was no other way. But i realized i left so much behind for her and these were things i liked or was passionate about so it has helped me a lot to take the time to get back to those things,videogames,music and even back to college and im noticing that actually im making new friends which i couldnt for the longest time.

    So if anything just want to wish you the best and courage to keep going friend,you got this just keep moving!

    Steven
    January 12, 2017 at 11:37 pm #30092

    Connor bro, I will say this, you are not useless & not alone. Sometimes certain hurts take time. Some may take longer. But each day is a step toward healing. You rocked it on Warped. You are awesome. Sometimes it’s hard to regroup at first but it’s ok. You’ll get there. Love ya bud.

    Connor
    January 15, 2017 at 11:45 pm #30129

    Thank you guys for the words of encouragment.

    I am still healing, and Ive decided to keep walking towards my goals…. people are noticing change and good in me, so somehow I guess I am worth it.

    I dont know how 100% why I am worth it, but this community has helped me before and I know you guys will help me again find my way home.

    Hope to post again soon with updates and what not.

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