• myoneusername
    January 6, 2017 at 12:26 am #29975

    I’m addicted to porn. My resolution was to quit porn and masterbation, but everyday the temptation is stronger, I’m not as productive at home because I’m just trying to fight it. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where wise to turn….I feel like I’m going to relapse because I have tomorrow off work, I’ll be home all day. What do i do?

    Kelsey
    January 6, 2017 at 12:45 am #29976

    Hey! I think you will find that this is a common problem and many people often share about that here. So know you are not alone in this! There are a lot of us in the exact same boat!
    Hopefully one of the guys will chime in with a few more resources, but have you ever heard of XXX Church? Their mission is to help people break their porn addiction. I think you should definitely at least check that out! It may be something you find useful.

    – Kelsey

    Kelsey
    January 6, 2017 at 12:46 am #29977

    Here’s a link to their website!

    myoneusername
    January 6, 2017 at 12:52 am #29978

    Thank you so much, seriously it means so much

    Kelsey
    January 6, 2017 at 1:01 am #29980

    Anytime! And if it makes you feel any better, this is a battle I also face! And I have never told ANYONE that. So definitely do not feel alone in this! <3

    John Williford
    January 6, 2017 at 8:56 am #29983

    Hey myoneusername- I don’t think 2017 is going to be a battle- it’s going to be a war! I don’t say that to discourage you, but say it to put forth the challenge you have ahead of you. The good news? You can beat this thing. You have the strength to do it.

    heckyessica
    January 6, 2017 at 9:51 am #29984

    Replace the habit with a new one! It’s really difficult to quit something when you’re focused on what you’re giving up. Replace it with something healthy to transfer your focus to a positive. And, use resources like the one mentioned above- XXXChurch. Accountability is key! You can win this battle! It does not own you. You’re the victor!

    DJ Mad Dog
    January 6, 2017 at 6:56 pm #29992

    Heyo, I completely understand where you’re at right now. This time last year I quit porn, but I relapsed so many times (I mean, I’m only about 2 months clean right now). But if you do relapse don’t beat yourself up because that leads to giving up and just staying in addiction. So if you do relapse at some point, just pick yourself up and restart. As for resources, I’ve heard good things about XXX church, and also I personally found an anchor in Fight the New Drug. Also, accountability partners help a lot, I know it’s weird and uncomfortable, but trust me they do help. I’ll be praying for you friend. I believe you!

    Nathanael
    January 8, 2017 at 3:51 pm #30014

    Hey,

    Addiction can feel like such an impossible battle. Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you try, you always seem to come up short. It can really get to you. It can make you feel like a failure, like you’ll never be free from this. The guilt and the shame can tear you apart. You can feel so trapped and just unsure of how to break free when it feels like you’ve tried everything. It’s such a tough place to be.

    Firstly, I’m so proud of you for admitting that you have an addiction and for wanting to stop. That takes a lot of courage and super proud of you! You’re awesome! I wish breaking an addiction was as easy as wanting to stop but sadly it’s not that easy, however this is a fight I truly believe you can win. You’ve got this!

    Everyone above me has given out some excellent advice and I just want to echo what others have said. Three main areas I want to focus on:

    1). Triggers, identify what triggers you. Often it can be loneliness, dwelling on past relationships etc. Learn to identify them, you might not be able to prevent them but it might help you to find alternative ways to deal with them. It doesn’t make the urge go away, but it can help to find alternative ways to deal with it.

    If you are feeling lonely, post on here, message a friend, ring someone you trust and who is there for you. Not only does this give you some accountability but it can also help to deal with the loneliness and give you a distraction.

    If you find sexual thoughts, try not to dwell on it. Thoughts can seem harmless at first but thoughts can turn into fantasies which can turn into actions trying to fulfill those and very quickly you can find yourself in places where you don’t recognize yourself or what you are doing. No judgement, something I’ve had to deal with as well. Most people say don’t cross the line but I find if you spend too much time looking at the line, you slowly edge towards it, and soon you are miles past it

    2). Accountability, it can be so beneficial to have someone who you trust and you can go to when you are feeling down or when you’ve relapsed. They can offer you encouragement when you need it and allow you to talk things through. It’s hard to go to someone when you feel like you are going to relapse because of the sense of shame, or the feeling that they will look down on you or simply because in that moment you really just want to fulfill that desire. But if you have someone you can trust, talk to them about it. We are always here for you if you want to speak to anyone of us. We’re here to support you, offer you advice and encouragement and to keep you company when you are alone. Darkness and silence only make thinks worse, when we bring things into the light we can deal with them. Again, so incredibly proud of you for opening up about it, that took a lot of guts and I’m really proud of you.

    3). Prevention, this is basically about making it as hard as possible to relapse. XXXChurch I’ve heard has some great resources. Filters and blockers can help. Having a system where anything XXX rated goes to the email of your accountability partner can really help as well. Just try to make it hard for you to relapse. This on it’s own isn’t particularly effective, but if you use it with other things it can be helpful to give you an extra safty net. Exposing the root problems and dealing with them, as well as having someone to stay accountable to can really make a huge difference.

    Relapse is a natural part of recovery. Obviously don’t aim to relapse but don’t beat yourself up if you do. It’s okay! We all mess up and make mistakes. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it’s just a slip up. Accept the mistake and let it go. It’s happened, move on. Don’t let guilt and shame ruin your recovery. Keep at it. As long as you keep trying you will make progress, no matter how many times you relapse. You’ve got this.

    Lastly I just want to say that your not alone. You always have a family here who love and care about you. We’re here to support you and are always here if you want to talk. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, or you can email me at [email protected]

    Keeping you in my prayers. This is your year, you’ve got this!

    Hold fast we believe in you.

    With care,

    -Nathanael

    myoneusername
    January 10, 2017 at 4:39 pm #30052

    That’s really helpful, thank you so much.

    I’ve never really put any thought into triggers, but now that I think about it loneliness is a huge one for me.

    Thankfully with my current work schedule I’ll be able to attend the men’s group at my church, I’m hoping to build some relationships there and have some accountability.

    Again thank you all so much, I was expecting a lot more tough love and I’m a little overwhelmed with the compasion and understanding you all have

    John Williford
    January 11, 2017 at 11:04 am #30064

    I feel you- loneliness is a trigger for me too! My “remedy” usually includes hours of video game playing and feeling bored ha.

    Let us know how the men’s group goes! I go to one every week; it’s awesome.

    myoneusername
    January 15, 2017 at 2:57 am #30123

    The men’s group was really good, I’m hoping the discussions get deeper as time goes on.

    Also I just listened to a podcast by Steven furtick called “three habits of a healthy heart” It’s incredible, I highly recommend it.

    John Williford
    January 17, 2017 at 8:10 am #30151

    Awesome! In my experience men’s groups usually take a while to get used to. Men in our culture aren’t used to actually sitting down and talking about deeper heart issues, so it’s a little weird until everyone gets to know each other!

    Thanks for the recommendation!

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