In Dating, Masculinity, Men's Issues, On Relationships

A 5 Star Guy

“I’m gonna do it man…..I’m gonna tell her Dad”

John says this with a pained nervousness in his voice.

“….…this is gonna suck…..”

“Yes it will John, but you want to be a man, right?  Not some little boy that uses women?”

I say this to taunt him.

“But Sledge!  This will be the first time I’ve met her family and just HOW do I exactly drop this bomb:  ‘Hey Sir, I know we just met but I want to let you know I respect your daughter and promise that if I ever touch her inappropriately I’ll come tell you”.


John is a 5 Star guy.


And yes, he told his girlfriend’s dad, it was awkward, and her dad threatened to kill him if it happened.  More incentive I say, but John’s girlfriend has no doubt now that he’s all about her even if there’s zero sexual contact.

Imagine how she must feel?  Loved knowing that he still wants to be with her despite what society would say is normal between a dating couple.  He has no expectations of her because he cares more about her feelings and soul than he does “getting some”.

Ladies, would you want a man that respects you and doesn’t put pressure on you to get what “he wants”?

Of course you would.  The overwhelming response I’ve consistently gotten from women is “I will follow a man anywhere if he respects me and sacrifices for me”.

Did you hear that men?  They’ll follow you ANYWHERE.

Because here’s what’s happened in our culture and why women think it’s sexist and don’t want to follow a man in a relationship.  Chivalry and masculinity is DEAD.  It’s DEAD.

A lot of it’s on the guys and some of it’s on the ladies.  Men started delaying growing up and developed what I call “Peter Pan Syndrome”.  They don’t ever wanna grow up, get jobs, fight for a women’s affections, and they’re comfortable doing the same things they did when they were 16.  Looking at porn and playing video games.  Fake love and fake war.  And like Peter Pan and the Lost Boys they’re content surrounding themselves with their moron friends who don’t ever want to grow up either and have fun playing grab-ass with one another.  Ladies have encouraged this behavior because they’ve said, “Well, if they don’t step up, I will”.  One of my friends once grumbled to her mother, “When did men stop becoming men?” to which her mother responded, “When you decided to start wearing the pants in the relationship and not demand it of the men”.  So it’s on both of you.

And listen, men, if you think I’m making this stuff up, watch this TED Talk about how you’re DESTROYING masculinity with your cute, little games.

Call of duty Lame ops


So the question becomes, “How can I be a 5 star guy?


5 star guys respect women and have no agenda with them.  They sacrifice their preference to be with them and treat them like what the Bible would say is “porcelain”.  Not because they’re weak (cause they’re not, my wife can whip me), but because like fine china they are to be handled with care and rough handling can easily crack them.  Have you ever jabbed at a women like you do one of your bros?  How’d THAT go for you?  Not awesome I’m betting.  Women’s emotions are tied to everything, and so we as men must be aware that by treating them gently and with care it speaks volumes to them that we value and cherish them.

5 star guys open doors for any woman.  They ALWAYS pay the bill on a date and never let a woman guess if she’s going dutch.  They don’t play with their phones during dates but listen with intent.  They ask questions.  They get flowers on occasion.  They know what stirs their girl’s emotions and act on it.  They pursue their woman and never let up even after they’ve got her.  Most importantly they sacrifice (I’ve sat through some HORRIBLE romantic comedies with my wife) and this extends especially to when women act irrationally and crazy.  Instead of blowing up on them, what would it speak to your girl if you gently said, “I don’t deserve to be talked to that way, but I love you and am not going anywhere.  Can we sit down and talk this out and I’ll listen because I want to work through this?”  Imagine how that would go over as opposed to your yelling-fest that has the neighbors wondering if you have screeching canaries being tortured in a basement.

Lastly, 5 star guys are mysterious.  I know that’s vague, but let me explain (and if you’re not a Christian, just bear with me).  There’s a reason good girls go for bad guys.  They’re mysterious.  They have that manly edge to them.  There’s nothing wrong with having “effeminate” qualities as a man (Heck, I have quite a few) but a lot of girls complain that the nice guys are too “effeminate and unmanly” for them. I blame the Christian church for the rise of this type of man and why the vast majority of men have zero interest in Jesus.  Jesus has been painted as a sky fairy with feathered hair who just loves and loves and so when guys hear about THAT Jesus they say “no thanks” to acting anything like him.

One of my friends who’s exploring faith recently came to me and said, “Sledge I really love your messages as they reach men and women alike, but what the HELL is up with these ‘Jesus is my boyfriend’ songsCloser than a lover?  I just have a really tough time singing that, man.  It’s weird.”

By and far church has become highly emotive and speaks to women more than to the men.  Jesus is not this enigmatic man who speaks in riddles, makes a whip and drives people out of a temple, plays with children, loves prostitutes, uses offensive words for the religious, and ultimately dies on a Roman cross.  Nope.  He probably watches every episode of the Bachelor and wears a fanny pack.

That’s the thing I’ve noticed about Jesus.  He’s mysterious.  He just does crazy things.  Touches people with diseases, spits in eyes, loves hookers, and then eats dinner with his best friends.  Tell me those things aren’t a little strange and mysterious when put together and yet everyone wants to be around him.  There’s this edginess, yet gentleness to him.  I’ve discovered the more my interpretation of Jesus looks and acts likes me, the farther away from the historic Jesus I’m following, because he’s somewhat of a mystery.  Beware of people whose Jesus looks and sounds like them and would be interested ONLY in what they like.  They’ve invented their own God, that is ultimately a reflection of themselves.


There might be a problem if your Jesus looks like Ash from Army of Darkness….

So men, let’s be mysterious, sacrificial gentlemen that are known for our gentleness and gruffness at the same time.  I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but in our culture, so is actually acting like a 5 star guy.

 ****Our good friend, Max Dubinsky, has also complied a list of 5 star qualities in guys that’s awesome and hilarious and I would encourage you to read here****

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  • chelsea henderson

    love this! thank you!!

  • kevin thompson

    Really well written blog article! good job ben!

  • Miles

    Inspiring message! But can you explain to me why video games are a fake war? I agree with you but can’t put it into words myself.

    • Sure! And firstly, I was speaking that addiction to video games causes this. I play video games and love them, but just wanted to clarify that there’s nothing wrong with them, it’s just when the majority of time and energy is spent on them as opposed to things that actually matter it’s problematic.

      That being said, the top selling video games are all first person shooters (COD, Medal of Honor, Assassin’s Creed, Halo, etc) that actually deal with war and battles. Every video game is a challenge, puzzle, or has levels to defeat. Imagine if there was no challenge to a video game, would you want to play it? Men are naturally wired to want to have things to fight for. It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy in ballet or a solider, both of those guys have objectives they want to accomplish, things they want to achieve and things they want to conquer. The ballet guy may want to be on broadway someday and his goal. The solider may want to be a general one day or fight in an epic battle. What video games can effectively do is mask that wiring and create that fake environment for you. Instead of actually having your own battles you’re willing to fight for, you’re more content sitting in your mom’s basement living out those epic fantasy lives on a screen to fulfill you instead of stepping into your role as a man. And that’s why even lazy, undisciplined men have giant fantasy lives. They think about scenes in “300” with them running beside King Leonidas. And so they play a lot of video games instead of doing something about it. What I mean by that is even the lazy, undisciplined ones still feel the call to be part of something bigger than themselves and to build something and to be a part of greatness. But instead of reaching their potential they’re content mastering Call of Duty, and let’s be honest, it’s kind of pathetic. And if you don’t work, you don’t eat and you live with your mom…and that’s not sexy, at all and you know it. That’s why when a girl meets a guy content playing video games his whole life and goes, “So, where you living?,” they try to change the subject.

  • Matt

    Great article! I especially loved this point you made: “Beware of people whose Jesus looks and sounds like them and would be
    interested ONLY in what they like. They’ve invented their own God, that
    is ultimately a reflection of themselves.” That just speaks so much about myself and how I often make Jesus’ character fit within my own character, unconsciously or not, when it should be the exact opposite. Thanks so much for putting that into words!

    • Thanks man! I often find myself doing the same and have to catch myself. A lot of pastors will make Jesus seem a lot like who they are which is very dangerous. I’ve always laughed at the WWJD craze because I remember he made a whip, yelled at everyone, and flipped tables as an option. The more I study him the more i want to be like him, but the more and more I realize I’ll never be close, but the beauty is that he refines me to look more him anyway even if I’m so far off

  • Dee

    I love the blunt honesty of this. Made it all very clear!

  • Pingback: How to be A Five Star Guy | Benjamin Sledge()

  • Great article! I especially loved this point you made.

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