“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There’s no one alive who is you-er than you.” – Dr. Seuss
I love this quote because it reeks of individuality. And it’s so true, there’s nobody in this entire world that is you-er than you. But with that uniqueness there comes individual sets of lies that we have believed our entire lives.
I was drunk, and lonely, and felt like nobody cared and he made me feel so secure.
I don’t know why you do it, why you hurt yourself, just stop…look at your arms and legs, they’re destroyed.
I drink to forget the crap that’s happened to me, it numbs the pain.
I was only 10. Why did he touch me? What did I do to deserve this?
I do heroin in hopes that one day, it’ll just take me away.
My dad was angry, he beat me, I don’t care about anybody else’s feelings, so what if my words hurt them?
I just want to end it, nobody cares and nobody is going to miss me.
And the list goes on and on and on and on and on. You, at some point have heard this, felt this, or you’re even going through this at this very moment. We all have that one thing we hide, the one thing we push so far down that we instead of fighting it head on, turn into the comfort and escape we ran to or run to now.
One time, when I was a freshman or sophomore in high school, I was dealing with depression, never told them and never told anybody else, just kept it all in. This led to thoughts of suicide, thoughts of not wanting to be here, that nobody wanted me here. I was on MSN messenger (anybody remember that, it was kind of the step child to AOL back in the day and by that I mean the 90s). I got to talking to a girl from my church and I unraveled everything, that I didn’t feel like being here and that I was wanting to end it. Thank God she took action and showed the messages to her mom. I got a phone call from my dad asking me to come home, I was at a party drinking with friends and had told Vanna that I wanted to end it that night. I wasn’t being serious but it could have led to something much more serious if I had let those feelings and actions go. My parents sat me down and asked me what was going on and I gave them all the right answers, that it was nothing I was just frustrated, I didn’t mean any of it blah blah blah. I remember my dad telling me that he wanted me to go and talk to this guy in town and I talked him out of it when I honestly should have listened to him in that time and just did it, but I didn’t want to, I had let the feelings win and I was comfortable living with that crap, I didn’t want to be uncomfortable in what was good and right because I was comfortable in the messed up.
Honestly, if it wasn’t for Vanna who knows what would have happened. What Vanna did in that instant was save my life, she brought the darkness out and brought it to light where it was unveiled, it wasn’t hidden anymore even though I pretended to be ok. My family was supportive, she and her family were supportive and even went as far to come over and tell me I was loved face to face (and to never ever put them through that again).
I can’t sit here and say I haven’t been blessed in my life. I have two very, very loving parents who support me in so many ways it’s unbelievable. They’ve stood beside me through so many trials in my life: money, depression (even though they never knew the extent of it), anger, bitterness, anxiety, insecurity…the list goes on, but one thing they always did was love me no matter what.
I think it may have been my sophomore or junior year of college that I first heard a woman talk about the abuse she endured growing up from family members: mom was verbally and mentally abusive, father raped her, uncle molested her. It was one thing after another. It made sense when she spoke about her past with guys, how she looked to them for comfort “because they cared about her”. It absolutely wrecked me. It wrecked me because not only were there girls sitting in this same auditorium that had gone through the same things listening to her story and reliving their own hell in their minds but this is something that goes on all the time.
So I want to take a moment and speak directly to you ladies, this is for you. I have to preface this saying I have no idea what it is like to be female, to deal with problems the way females do. You are treasured. You are beautiful exactly how you are. Who you are is perfect. You don’t have to listen to some regurgitated crap spewed by society anymore. I do know this and that is you deserve to know you’re worth it, your voice is worth hearing.
To the girl that cuts, put your blade down and go talk to someone. The pain isn’t worth it anymore, we believe in you and are here for you. Reach out to one of us here or go speak to the person you trust in your life.
To the daughter that was abused verbally, you aren’t worthless. You’re treasured, and you need to know it wasn’t your fault. Stand up, look at yourself in a mirror and tell yourself it wasn’t your fault. Then go talk to your trusted person or come reach out to one of us and tell us your story and begin the journey of reconciliation with yourself.
To the girl that has slept around, you’re not a slut or anything resembling that. You’re beautiful, you have a beating heart that is made for something better in this world than letting some guy use you for satisfaction. Start telling yourself you’re better, start believing love isn’t physical, that love is actions displayed and not physicality. Hear yourself when you say you are worth more. Tell us your story.
To the woman that drinks to numb the pain, it’s not worth it. The alcohol won’t fill the void, believe me I’ve tried. It’s ok, whatever you’re pushing down and hiding, bring it to light. Only when something is brought out of darkness can you start to heal. Go tell someone. Get involved in something to start dealing with whatever it is you need to overcome.
To the drug addict: please please reach out. I’ve seen the horrors firsthand of drug abuse and it never ends pretty. You have got to realize your life is worth something, that the next high isn’t going to solve anything, it’s only going to leave you feeling the same way once it wears off. It’s not worth it daughter, but you are completely worth everything. Get in touch with one of us and we’ll help you get help if you want.
To the little girl who was molested: It’s not your fault someone else was sick. I am so sorry this happened to you, you didn’t deserve that and if you’re still going through it, you don’t deserve it. You need to know you’re pure, you need to know you’re not tarnished. You need to hear that you’ve been betrayed and that it’s not your fault, sweet girl IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS. My heart truly breaks for what you’ve gone through/are going through and you need to talk with someone. You’ve got to reach out and speak to someone. You need to find someone you trust, and honestly probably someone that has gone through it and has made the steps to recover from it or someone that is trained to deal with this.
To the girl who deals with her image: put the mirror down. You have got to understand you’ve been fed complete lies about what beauty is by society. Beauty is truly all encompassing and you need to hear you’re created in an image that bears no judgment on who you are. You’re an individual and your individuality makes you beautiful.
To the physically abused: stand strong. You aren’t weak, you aren’t worthless. You were innocent and couldn’t defend yourself. It was not your fault. Whoever was your abuser, it was their fault and you know this. Now it’s time to reach out and free yourself from the guilt of something that you couldn’t control. Talk to us.
To the girl who had an abortion: it’s ok. You are NOT judged and you are not condemned because of this. To many people have condemned you even if it’s something you’ve heard someone speak about on TV or read or maybe even something someone said to you. What we believe in is love, and you are so loved. Let go of the guilt, let go of the judgment on yourself and truly begin to live in freedom.
To every girl that reads this: You have a voice, and some of you have been to hell and back. Every one of us deals with crap, some of us the same stuff and some of us completely different sets of stuff or multiple stuff has happened in your life, but it’s time to let go of it. It’s time to let go of the shame someone else caused you, of the anger you have been holding in, to the thoughts that have held you captive for so long. You deserve to live in freedom, you deserve to know that you are you and the you that you are right now is perfect. I beg you to reach out and talk to someone about whatever it is you’ve gone through or whatever it is you’re going through. Every guy and girl on this team loves you, and we are here for you, and we are here for you too. Be Heard.
This is your time, this is your chance, this is your stage to stand up and tell your story. That’s what this is all about, and this is a safe place for you to do it. No judgment, no condemnation, only support and love. We may not have the answers all the time, but we will always support you and we will always love you.
We are here ready to go to war with you in this, so if you’re ready tell us. Let your voice be heard and let your story be told.
You can email me and I will absolutely do whatever I can to get you in touch with some amazing ladies who will talk with you or shoot us an email at [email protected] and one of us will get to you and help you get in touch with someone to talk to. Please…… reach out, you’re not alone, you’re worth it.